


Just remember who I am in the morning

by letsyesnomaybe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:41:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2063313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsyesnomaybe/pseuds/letsyesnomaybe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a car accident Louis is left with a condition that causes him to wake up at random points in his life with no recollection of any memories he's made past the age of nineteen. He has no clue who Liam is or the fact that they're married and Liam is forced to make Louis fall in love with him, over and over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just remember who I am in the morning

Louis wakes up to his face pressed to a warm chest and a heavy hand resting on his lower back to keep him in place. He blinks his eyes open and tilts his head slightly, catching the bottom half of the man’s face. He’s good looking at least, and Louis kind of wants to bite several marks in to that strong jaw. Though he’s sure he’s scared off enough guys with being overly friendly the morning after and this one is too nice looking to let go that easily.

“Hmm...” The person beneath him mumbles sleepily. “Morning,”

“Good morning,” Louis replies, pulling back until the hand on his back falls on to the bed.

The guy looks down at him finally and he’s got the most beautiful brown eyes Louis’ ever seen and those lips, they could give Harry _‘blowjob lips’_ Styles a run for his money, that’s for sure. 

“How’d you sleep?”

Louis has to look down at where he’s got his hand splayed out on the guy’s chest because the way the guy is looking at him, it’s a bit much. It’s far fonder than what a one night stand should be and he doesn’t know how to feel about that.

“Alright, I suppose.” Louis answers honestly. “It’s nice not to wake up alone for once.”

“Lou?”

Louis’ eyes snap back up to brown eyes, they look curious and fond. Exactly how Louis’ ex girlfriend Eleanor used to look at him before all things went to shit. “I thought I was over friendly the morning after.”

“Fuck,” The guy says disappointed and then he’s gently pushing Louis off him so he can jump out of the bed. He trips backwards over an abandoned shoe on the floor and Louis would find it comical, if the other lad wasn’t looking at him like his entire family had died and Louis was unfortunate one to deliver the news.

“It’s alright, mate.” Louis promises, sitting up in bed. “I didn’t mean it in a bad light, it’s just—“

“I need to call Harry.” The other lad says and disappears out of the room.

“How do you know Harry?” Louis yells after him but he’s already gone.

Louis huffs and falls back against the bed and stares around the room that isn’t his. It’s a decent size and the furniture looks to be expensive. So he picked up a wealthy dude, probably friends of one of Harry’s previous conquests, he looked to be a good five years older than Louis. Maybe he thought Louis was like Harry and wanted him as a toy boy, that’s why he looked so overly fond.

Louis doesn’t know because Louis can’t remember anything from the night before, which is disappointing because this guy is stunning and Louis can’t even remember having sex with him. In fact he can’t remember anything from the previous day, apart from being kicked pretty hard in the head while playing what was supposed to be a friendly game of footie. His head starts to hurt if he tries to think past that so he eventually gives up.

When the guy comes back in to the room—now dressed in jogging bottoms and a plain white t-shirt—he’s carrying two cups of tea and has his phone hooked under his chin. He offers Louis one and Louis takes it gratefully, the phone—it’s an iphone that looks a lot more technical than Louis has seen before, proving this guy really does have money—that he’s offered second, he takes with a bit more caution.

“It’s Harry.” The guy explains, nodding to the phone and sipping at his tea.

Louis fiddles with the cup in his hand and presses the phone to his ear. “Hazza?”

“Hey,” Harry’s familiar voice greets. “How are you feeling?”

“I have the worst hangover in the world.” Louis complains. “Did we go out last night? What were we drinking? I can’t remember a sodding thing.”

“No, we didn’t go out last night, Lou.” Harry says softly. “I’m in LA.”

“Stop pulling my leg, Haz.” Louis snorts. “I saw you yesterday morning sneaking out of Grimmy’s room, remember?”

“Christ, I haven’t thought about him in years.” Harry admits. 

“Years?” Louis asks confused. “Harry, what are you talking about? Are you ill?”

The guy in front of him is frowning around his mug and Louis’ head hurts more, he can’t deal with this incredibly good looking guy making faces like that as well as Harry being a prick.

“I’m not ill, no. I’m in the best shape of my life actually but I’ll tell you about that later.” Harry says proudly. “First, you’ll have to get Liam to get you a mirror, and I need you to promise that you’ll keep calm and keep on the phone with me.”

“Liam?” Louis asks the guy in front of him.

“Yes,” Liam nods, reaching behind him to open the bed side draw, like he already knows what’s coming. He tugs out one of those hand held vanity mirrors that Louis’ mother used to have and hands it over.

Louis looks at him confused but he takes the mirror and lifts it up to show himself his own face. He finds himself staring, the phone almost dropping from where he’d tucked it under his chin. He looks different, much different than he remembers waking up yesterday morning. His face is older, the crinkles by his eyes showing that. His hair is longer, much longer. There’s also a generous amount of scruff on his face, which he can’t grow, he’s newly nineteen, he’s a boy and this person staring back at him, this is a man.

Louis pushes the mirror back towards Liam. “Is this some kind of fucked up joke? This is one of those age transition machine things, right?”

“You were in an accident, Lou.” Harry explains softly down the phone, for a moment Louis had forgotten he was even there.

“What kind of accident?” Louis asks a little shaky. 

“A car accident, you banged your head quite bad.” Harry explains. “You were in a coma for a little over three weeks and when you woke up, you couldn’t remember the past four years of your life.”

“But—“Louis chocks, finding himself staring at the man in front of him.

Liam’s lips tilt up a little in to a sad smile.

“I’ll let Liam explain the rest but we always think that it’s best to start with me because I’m familiar.” Harry continues. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? But if you need me for anything else then you can call me, whenever you want.”

Louis’ still a little shocked so it takes him a while to say. “Okay.”

“Alright,” Harry says and someone calls his name from behind him, it’s noisy wherever he is and Louis only just notices. “I’ll see you soon, love you.”

“You too,” Louis replies and hangs up the phone, letting it fall to his lap.

Liam stays silent, sipping at his tea and letting Louis take it all in. Louis can’t process it. Everything in his mind is telling him that this is some kind of prank and that Harry will ring back any second and tell him so. Only when he finally looks up and catches Liam’s eye, that fond look is there and Louis knows why now, at least he thinks he does. 

“Are we together?” He asks, gesturing between them.

Liam grabs his hand where it’s flailing in the air and brushes his thumb across the ring that lies on his ring finger. “We’re a little more than together.”

“Fuck, we’re married?” Louis breathes, staring at the matching band that dons Liam’s own ring finger.

“Yeah,” Liam smiles a little.

“Fuck,” Louis comments. “Fuck, I’m the worst husband in history.”

“You’re not,” Liam shakes his head, squeezing Louis’ hand. “Definitely not,”

“I need you to explain a few things to me, obviously.” Louis says, looking at their hands. “But can I do something first? I’ve kind of wanted to do it since I woke up on top of you,”

Liam nods his head, willing to accept anything. Louis leans forward and brushes his lips over Liam’s, only leaving them there for enough time for the other lad to kiss back and then he trails kisses across his cheek and down his jaw. Finally he does what he had wanted to when he first woke up and he sucks a mark in to the line of Liam’s jaw.

Liam’s breathing uneasy once he’s finished, his hand clutching Louis’ tightly. “You’ve never, fuck, you’ve never done that.”

“I’ve never sucked a mark in to your skin, that doesn’t sound like me.” Louis admits confused.

“No, you did it all the time, you do it,” Liam shakes his head, not sure how to explain. “You’ve just never when you’ve first—Look, it’ll make more sense once I’ve explained everything.”

“Alright,” Louis lets out a long breath, playing with the handle of his mug. “How about I have a shower, we’ll have breakfast and then you can tell me everything?”

“Sure,” Liam agrees easily. “The bathroom is through the door over there. I’ll get you a fresh towel and lay you out some clothes?”

“Okay.” Louis nods, sipping at his tea as he watches Liam climb out of the bed.

***

Later, when he’s showered—where he spent a good ten minutes staring at the assortment of tattoos covering his body—and dressed in a pair of sweats and one of Liam’s old t-shirts—because he didn’t like the one Liam got out of his and he loved the way Liam smiled when he saw him in his shirt—and they’re both tucked up on the couch—after eating Liam’s attempt at a full English—he finally feels ready to be explained everything.

“Where do you want me to start?” Liam asks, fiddling with his fresh cup of tea.

Louis wriggles his feet under Liam’s thigh. “You’ve told me this before, right?”

“A few times,” Liam nods.

“Where do I normally want you to start?”

“The first time was after the accident, so Harry and I both told you what happened and then I filled you in on our relationship.” Liam says, still not looking at Louis. “But the last few times, you’ve wanted to know about our relationship first and then I told you about the accident and your condition afterwards.”

“It’s a condition?” Louis asks.                                           

Liam nods. “It’s called Anterograde amnesia but your version is quite unique.”

“Can you tell me about that first? I’d like to know about us too but I’m trying to get my head around—“Louis waves his hand around to gesture _‘everything’_.

“Alright,” Liam says slowly, taking a minute to figure out where to start. “When you first woke up and we realised you’d lost the memories of the last four years, they weren’t sure if they’d return eventually or never return at all. You decided that you didn’t care and that we’d carry on with our lives, and if they came back then that would be great but if they didn’t then it didn’t matter because we still had each other.”

“Fuck,” Louis cuts in. “I really fucking love you, don’t I?”

Liam absentmindedly brushes his thumb over his own ring. “I’d like to think so.”

“Married,” Louis says still shocked. “I can’t believe I got married.”

“You always say that.” Liam says fondly, finally looking up to smile at Louis. “Harry always tells me not to lead with the married thing but you never freak out as much as he expects you to.”

“It’s probably because I hit the jackpot,” Louis grins. “I’m not going to tell a guy as hot as you that you’re lying, if you want to be married to me, you go right ahead.”

Liam snorts. “Anyway, about a week after we’d been home, you went to sleep one night and woke up exactly as you did this morning. You thought you were nineteen again and that I was a one night stand.”

“So now I’m like that girl from fifty first dates? That makes you Adam Sandler, right? You remind me every day of how much you love me? Do you have a pet penguin that I’m yet to meet? Let me smell your hands,” Louis jokes and grins when it pulls a laugh out of Liam.

“You always make that joke.” Liam shakes his head. “One time I’m going to tell you this and you’re going to react like a normal person rather than yourself.”

“That’d be boring.” Louis shrugs. “Carry on,”

“So we went back to the doctors and they ran a few tests but they couldn’t figure out what it was, they still can’t.” Liam says defeated and it wipes the grin from Louis’ lips. “It’s been five months since the first time we came home, and this has happened another twelve times, including this one. It’s like your memory works up to certain point and then it can take anymore and has to reset,”

“And you don’t know when? You don’t know what mornings I’m going to wake up and not remember you?”

“No,” Liam answers regretful. “Sometimes it’s a week, sometimes two. Before this morning, we’d managed an entire month. We’re hoping that it’s somehow getting better and that eventually you’ll be able to retain memories completely. But the doctors don’t know anything, they haven’t done enough research on that part of the brain yet to figure out what’s going on or if it’s fixable.”

Louis drops his head on to his bended knees and closes his eyes in disbelief. “How do you do it? How do you stick around?”

“I love you.” Liam says obviously.

Louis opens his eyes to find Liam staring at him with the same fondness he had this morning, it makes his chest ache because this guy clearly does love him enough to want to be with him forever and Louis can’t even remember his last name.

“Okay.” Louis says quietly. “Can you tell me about us now?”

Liam nods and starts by telling them how they met. It was at a football game apparently, they’d had seats next to each other and when Louis’ team had scored, he’d got a bit excited and managed to spill his pint all down Liam’s shirt. Of course he apologised and they got to chatting. Liam was there with his mate Zayn, who apparently hit it off with Harry, who was there with Louis, and they’ve had this messed up friends with benefits relationship ever since.

Liam tells him that the match they attended was two weeks after the _‘friendly’_ football game that Louis remembers getting hurt in. Louis hates the pain that crosses Liam’s eyes when he explains that the doctors believed the two accidents coincided, that the blow to the head that Louis took in the football match may have affected the part of his brain that retained memories and the car accident only reinforced it. So basically every memory that Louis has ever made with Liam, he’s had trouble ever storing in his brain.

He goes on to tell Louis about their first date and what a colossal mess it was because they’d both been so nervous. There was spilled wine and cheesy jokes and a part where they both almost got arrested for not paying the bill. But Liam tells him that he was the one who managed to save the night because he was determined to get his goodnight kiss. Liam even threatened to ring Zayn when he wouldn’t leave but Louis had stepped forward and kissed him and that was it, he was done for.

He skips the first few months of dating, tells Louis that they were slightly awkward and they almost broke up a handful of times because their personalities wouldn’t fit and they were finding it hard to make it work. But they somehow made it to a year, and when Liam had to move out of halls of residence, it was without hesitation that Louis asked him to move in to the house he shared with Harry and a few other fellas.

Living together didn’t make things easier but it forced them to spend more time together. Eventually they settled in to each other’s personalities. Louis calmed down a little and Liam stopped being so uptight. They managed to make it to two years, then three and finally four. It was Louis who proposed, which apparently seemed to shock everyone.

It’s mid afternoon by the time Liam’s finished explaining Louis getting down on one knee in front of a crowded restaurant that was also filled with their friends and family for Liam’s birthday. He finishes the story with such love in his eyes that Louis thinks yes, he can understand how he fell for this man, he is beautiful human being.

“I should start lunch.” Liam says, taking both their empty mugs to the kitchen. “Zayn is going to join us, is that okay?”

Louis nods, leaning in the door way to the kitchen. “So, how long have we been married for exactly?”

“Six months.” Liam answers, putting the cups in the sink.

“But the accident was,” Louis shakes his head confused.

“The accident happened after Harry picked us up from the airport.” Liam explains, leaning back against the counter. “We had been on our honeymoon for ten days in Fiji.”

“You were in the car?” Louis asks, swallowing heavily. The thought of Liam being hurt does something to him, like somewhere deep inside he can remember all the feelings he’s supposed to have forgotten.

“And Harry,” Liam nods, avoiding Louis’ eyes. “The car hit the front end of Harry’s porsche. You took the worst of it. Harry broke his leg in three different places, and I got away with just having this.”

Louis steps towards him when Liam pulls the collar of his shirt down to reveal a scar that runs from beneath his right collarbone and slightly across his right bicep. He gently strokes his fingers across the damaged skin and looks up at Liam with a frown.

“I got off easy, Lou.” Liam says gently. “Harry can’t put pressure on his right leg for longer than few hours and you—“

Louis moves his fingers to the back of Liam’s neck when he cuts himself off. “I’m alive, that’s all that matters, right?”

“I thought you’d—when we were in the car,” Liam swallows, leaning down to presses his forehead to Louis’. “You weren’t moving and there was so much blood. I thought I’d lost you forever.”

“You didn’t.” Louis says fiercely, leaning up to press their lips together. It doesn’t feel like a first kiss or a second if you count the one in the bedroom. It feels normal, natural, like he’d been doing this forever. It’s like his body can remember what his mind forgot.

“I swear to god,” someone bellows from behind them, causing Louis to pull back. “I catch you two feckers going at it in here so much that I should probably stop taking food from ya.”

“Who’s that?” Louis whispers against Liam’s jaw.

Liam squeezes his waist gently. “Niall,”

“Hello, Niall.” Louis says, turning in Liam’s grip to face the stranger.

The blonde boy who’s picking at fruit from the bowl in the center of the island pauses to look at Louis. “You don’t know who I am do ya?”

Louis bites his lip and shakes his head.

“Fuck sake, Payno.” Niall groans but he’s smiling. “When he has these relapse things, you’ve got to get better about telling him the people in his life other than yourself.”

Louis tilts his head back to look at Liam who’s smiling too.

“Sorry, mate.” Liam says, he doesn’t sound very sorry.

“I’m Niall,” Niall announces, stepping towards the pair with his hand held out in Louis’ direction. “I’m Liam’s business partner and one of ya best mates.”

“You have a business?” Louis asks, still looking up at Liam while shaking Niall’s hand.

“We own a recording label,” Liam informs him. “Harry is one of our biggest artists.”

“So, that’s how we can afford this place.” Louis acknowledges. “And that’s why Harry’s in LA?”

“He’s there writing with a few producers we know. He’s wanted to go for a while but—“Liam cuts his own sentence off.

“Don’t mollycoddle me, alright?” Louis pleads. “If you know me, you should know I don’t like that.” 

“I know but I also know the face you make when you think you’ve done something wrong.” Liam replies with a frown.

“Hello? Is anybody home?” somebody shouts through the apartment.

“We’re in the kitchen, mate.” Niall calls and has somehow moved back over where the fruit bowl is without Louis noticing. 

Possibly the most attractive person Louis’ ever laid eyes on appears in the kitchen. He’s got aviators covering his eyes but they’re probably as equally as pretty as the rest of his face. He’s also got twice the amount of tattoos Louis has covering his skin and a necklace hanging around his neck, that Louis is sure has Harry’s cross hanging from it.

“Zayn?” Louis asks, looking back up at Liam.

Liam nods and presses his lips to Louis’ forehead.

“Fuck, you relapsed again?” Zayn questions, moving his aviators off his eyes, they are as pretty as the rest of his face.

Louis bites his lip feeling guilty. “Sorry,”

  “It’s not your fault.” Liam mumbles in to his hair.

“No, it’s not your fault, mate.” Zayn agrees with a friendly smile. “Does Hazza know?”

Liam nods. “Of course, I had to ring him.”

Louis suddenly wishes his friend was here, even if he does have this underlying feeling that Liam is what Liam is, it still feels weird, being trapped in the room with three strangers that know him so well but he knows fuck all about.

“He’s on his way home, Lou.” Liam promises, obviously noticing Louis tensing up. “He got the first flight out that he could. He should be here by tomorrow morning at the latest.”

“Okay.” Louis says quietly.

“Do you want to go lie down while we make lunch?” Liam offers.

Louis nods and Liam presses a kiss to his temple before letting him go. He keeps his eyes on the ground as he passes Zayn in the kitchen doorway. Once he’s left he catches Zayn asking Liam if he’s okay in a slightly distraught voice and he doesn’t want to hear Liam’s reply in case it’s as broken so he picks up his pace.

He thinks about lying down and going to sleep but he’s terrified of waking up in a few hours back where he was this morning. So instead he grabs Liam’s phone from where they’d abandoned it in the bed sheets and searches through the contacts for a number that he knows. A breath of relief leaves him when he sees that Liam has his mother’s number, he presses his ring and prays she picks up.

“Hello darling.” She greets happily. “How’s my favourite son in law?”

“Isn’t he your only son in law? Or have I forgotten one of the girls weddings too?” Louis asks, really hoping that he hasn’t, though he doesn’t seem to have much choice in what he remembers, he could attend several of his friends and families weddings in the future and forget all about them.

“Oh baby,” His mum says sadly. “No, you haven’t. Liam’s the one and only, though Lottie and her lad are quite serious, they have been for about two years now.”

 “Christian?” Louis asks because that’s who he remembers.

“No, he was a bit of a prick, you had words don’t worry.” She informs him. “This one is called George, he’s lovely and he treats our Lottie like a princess. You quite liked him the last time you met.”

“Right,” Louis says plainly.

“Sweetheart,” His mum starts. “I know it’s hard. I know you’re confused but you listen to me, that boy, he loves you very much and I’ve never seen you as happy as you are when he’s around. If you believe that, everything else will come easy.”

“Is that what you’ve told me before? Did it make it easier?” Louis asks curiously.

“It’s what you told me to tell you,” She explains. “This last month, we thought we finally had you, but I think you thought different. I have a book here, a journal of sorts. It has everything you need to know, about the past four years, the accident and your Liam. It’s all in your own words. It might be a bit easier, hearing the words from yourself than someone you think you don’t know.”

“That’s the thing, it’s so easy to believe him, it’s like a part of me remembers.” Louis admits.

“I think you want to remember him, he makes you want to.” She replies. “It’s a good thing, baby. He’s managed to make you fall in love with him each time you wake up and don’t remember him and he’s never going to stop, you’re lucky, he’s a good catch that one.”

“Do you want to marry him, Ma?” Louis teases.

“If he swung my way and was a few years older, sure.” She laughs and it makes him miss her, in his mind he hasn’t seen her since Christmas two months ago when in reality he could have seen her yesterday. “Not sure Dan would be too happy about that though.”

“Dan is your husband?” Louis asks unsure.

“Yes, and you also have two more siblings.” She informs him. “I’ll message you a picture, they’re little angels, almost one now.”

“That’s—“Louis says lost for words. “I wish I remembered them.”

“I know, baby.” His mum soothes. “Get Liam to bring you down, yeah? I’ll show you the journal and you can meet them.”

“I will,” Louis promises. “He thinks I’m sleeping so I should probably go. I’ll get him to call you and arrange us coming down,”

“Okay, sweetie.” She says easily. “I love you lots and lots.”

“I love you too, mum.” Louis replies. “Give the kids a kiss from me,”

“Will do,” She promises and the line goes dead.

Louis feels a little better after the phone call and when Liam wanders in to the room a few minutes later, he doesn’t feel like he’s looking at a stranger.

“You call your mum?” Liam asks.

Louis nods and stands up from the bed. “How’d you know?”

“You always call her when you’re upset or if something’s bothering you,” Liam says knowingly, moving across the room slowly.

Louis slips his arms around Liam’s waist when Liam gets close enough but doesn’t touch him. “She says we should go down so I can meet the newest members of the brood.”

“Sure, I’ll ring her and sort something out.” Liam agrees, hand coming up to cup Louis’ jaw. “Do you think you can come and have lunch with us or would you rather me bring it in here?”

“I think I’ll be alright.” Louis says honestly.

Liam brushes his thumb across Louis’ bottom lip softly. “I love you.”

“I know.” Louis says quietly. 

Liam leans in and presses his lips to Louis’ forehead and lingers for a moment before finally pulling away. He doesn’t touch Louis as he steps away from him and turns to lead the way out of the room. Louis knows it’s for his benefit, that Liam’s not overstepping boundaries so he won’t get freaked out. But at the same time, all he wants is for Liam to touch him and kiss him, and linger his hands on Louis’ waist as he passes him. Louis yearns for Liam to touch him because his mind might have forgotten everything but his body seems to remember it all.

***

Harry turns up later that night, long after Niall and Zayn have left, when Liam and Louis are about to head to bed. He tugs Louis in to a hug and squeezes him gently and it’s the first thing all day that his mind remembers, the way Harry smells, the way he always makes himself small in Louis’ arms, even though he’s a giant now compared to Louis.

“Let me look at you,” Louis says, pushing him back gently.

He’s still very much his Harry, with his dimples and his curls escaping from under the beanie he’s shoved on his head. Only now there’s bird feathers poking out from underneath the grey henley he’s wearing and there’s frown lines on his forehead where there never were before.

“What is this famous lifestyle doing to you?” Louis demands while pressing his thumb along the crease of Harry’s forehead.

“I love it.” Harry admits with a blinding grin.

“I bet you do you egotistical bastard.” Louis teases, pulling him in to another hug.

“Are you alright?” Harry asks with face buried in Louis’ shoulder.

“I’m great, have you seen how gorgeous my husband is?” Louis replies, pinching Harry’s waist.

Harry flinches and pulls away from him. “I have and I get to fuck his best friend who’s equally as gorgeous. We’ve gone up in the world, haven’t we?”

“Speaking of creatures that shouldn’t exist on this earth,” Louis starts, putting his hands on his hips. “Since when do you give fuck buddies your grandpa’s cross?”

Harry avoids his gaze. “I gave it to him as a friend because he said he was going to miss me while I was in LA.”

“You’ve got yourself in shit haven’t you?” Louis says knowingly.

“I’m sorting it,” Harry assures him. “Don’t meddle, please.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” Louis states offended.

“You would, we both know you would.” Harry says with a small amused smile. “Amnesia or not, you love to meddle in other people’s lives.”

“Well I sort of have to,” Louis says, moving back to where Liam is sat on the arm of the couch. “My life is perfect. I need to meddle in others so I have something to do.”

Liam snorts and presses his face in to Louis’ arm, his own slipping around Louis’ waist.

“I’ll sort it.” Harry promises. “Can we go to bed now?”

“Uh, yeah,” Louis says unsure, he looks to Liam who nods and smiles. “You’re okay with that?”

“Of course,” Liam says easily.

“Don’t let him fool you.” Harry yawns and stretches, leading the way to the bedroom. “He was a proper woos about it in the beginning, almost punched me once when he found us sleeping together.”

Liam pouts. “We’d only just started dating and you guys sleep really intimately.”

“It doesn’t mean anything though,” Louis assures him.

“I know that now.” Liam says, nudging him to stand up and keeping his arm around his waist as they both walk to the bedroom.

Harry’s already in his boxers and crawling up the bed by the time they make it in to the bedroom. Liam lets go of Louis’ waist and disappears in to the bathroom. Louis slips off his jogging bottoms but decides to keep on Liam’s shirt, liking the idea of sleeping in it, even if Liam will still be sleeping in the same bed.

“So, what have you learned today?” Harry asks, making grabby hands for him.

Louis crawls in to the bed and lets the younger lad curl up around him. “That I somehow managed to bag the greatest guy on earth. How did that happen?”

“The jury is still out on that one.” Harry teases, nuzzling his face in to Louis’ neck.

Louis pinches his side and somehow pulls him closer at the same time. “What if I’m like this forever? What if he has to spend the rest of his life telling me the same thing over and over again?”

“He’d do it.” Harry assures him. “He’s gone on you, babe. You’re pretty fond of him too or you wouldn’t fall in love with him each time.”

“What if I don’t want him to waste his life reminding me that I love him?” Louis asks quietly.

Harry yawns and wiggles closer to Louis’ side. “I don’t think that’s your decision to make, love.”

“Hmm.” Louis hums and watches Liam come out of the bathroom in nothing but a pair of boxers. He smiles at Louis as he gets his phone from where it’s tangled in the bed sheets. Louis traces his finger down his spine when he sits down on the bed, putting his phone on charge on the side table and is a little chuffed when it earns him a shiver.

“Don’t tease.” Liam warns, smiling over his shoulder.

“No fucking allowed while I’m in the bed.” Harry mumbles sleepily.

Louis sniggers and turns his head when Liam lays down, leaving a gap between them that Louis’ wishes he wouldn’t. But he settles when Liam grabs his free hand and brings it up to press his lips to the back of it.

“I love you,” He says against Louis’ skin.

Louis smiles and leans across—earning a grumpy noise from Harry for the movement—to press a kiss to Liam’s cheek. “Goodnight, Liam.”

“Goodnight.” Liam replies, not letting go of Louis’ hand as he closes his eyes.

***

The next morning he wakes up to a face full of Harry’s hair and a bed void of Liam. He groans in complaint and pushes the permanent limpet in his life off him and on to the other side of the bed. Harry whines, keeping his hand hooked around Louis’ waist so he can’t move from the bed.

“I hate that you got muscles.” Louis groans.

Harry smiles and doesn’t open his eyes. “I have my own personal trainer.”

“Fucking pop stars.” Louis mutters, though he feels a little proud that Harry has achieved enough in life that he even needs a personal trainer.

“Morning,” Liam’s cheery voice comes from the doorway.

Louis turns his face and smiles the instant he sees that gorgeous face and remembers it. “Good morning, why are you not in bed?”

“I have to go to the studio for a bit,” Liam informs him. “It’s up to you what you want to do but Harry has to come with me too.”

“I don’t wanna.” Harry says childishly.

Louis bites his lip. “What do I normally do when you go to the studio?”

“Well for the past month you’ve been helping Zayn out at his book store.” Liam explains. “But if you want to spend the day with a familiar face, you’re welcome to come with me and Hazza.”

“I can go to the store.” Louis smiles, knowing he’ll have to get to know Zayn if he’s going to fit back in to this new life.

“Alright,” Liam agrees easily. “I’ll go call him and let him know.”

Louis nods and Liam heads back out of the room.

“You better not be planning anything,” Harry says grumpily, his eyes now open so he can glare at Louis.

Louis smiles innocently at him. “Apparently I’m friends with Zayn and this me getting to know my friend again. Not everything is about you, Haz.”

“Don’t meddle, Lou.” Harry says sternly, sitting up. “I mean it.”

“I’m not going to meddle.” Louis promises. “I really want to get to know him. He looked crushed when I couldn’t remember him yesterday.”

“Promise?” Harry pouts.

“Yes, Christ, put away the Styles pout or I’ll ring your mother.” Louis says, shoving at him gently.

“You should.” Harry replies, climbing out of the bed. “She’d love to hear your voice.”

“I’ll think about it, yeah?” Louis tells him gently.

Harry nods and strolls across the room and in to the bathroom. Louis is about to get out of bed himself when a hyperactive little Irish fellow comes bouncing in to the room.

“Alright, Lou.” He greets happily. “Haven’t happened to see a guy about six feet tall with lots of curly hair around the place, have you?”

“Bathroom,” Louis points.

Niall nods gratefully and bounces in to the bathroom, door swinging close behind. There’s a very girlish scream that definitely comes from Harry, followed by loud laughter from Niall, then there’s a loud crash and a ripping sound, which could be a number of things. Louis dreads to think.

“This is why they’re not allowed to see each other often,” Liam says as he comes back in to the room. “I feel like a parent with two naughty toddlers any time they’re in the same building, like I have to constantly watch them.”

Louis laughs and sits on the side of the bed, reaching out a little for Liam’s shirt, tugging him towards the bed. “Daddy Liam, that’s a kink I could get in to.”

“Uh, well, that’s, uh,” Liam blushes, avoiding Louis’ eyes as he stands between his legs.

“Fuck, do we seriously have a daddy kink?” Louis grins.

“We haven’t, for, uh, for a while.” Liam admits. “And it’s not a daddy kink, it’s more,”

“More what?” Louis pushes, slipping his hands under the back of Liam’s shirt. “A mummy kink?”

“No.” Liam squawks. “It’s more like—“

“Hello? Why is there never anybody in this apartment?” Zayn yells in to the empty living room.

Louis pouts when Liam wriggles away from his grip with a relieved look on his face. “We’re not done talking about this,”

“Zayn’s going to give you a lift to the book store,” Liam informs him, completely ignoring his statement. “I’ve got to go and round up the children.”

“Sure thing, daddy.” Louis teases.

Liam blushes all the way in to the bathroom. Louis finally gets out of bed, changes in to some skinny jeans—which he thought he’d never see himself do, he swore his brightly coloured trousers and striped shirts were for life—and a henley shirt from the right side of the wardrobe, that he hopes belongs to Liam.

He goes out to the living room to greet Zayn, only to find it empty but the other lad’s voice leads him out on to the balcony. Louis smiles awkwardly at him as he finds him sat on one the chairs, phone pressed to his ear and cigarette in his hand. Zayn offers the cigarette, not stopping his conversation with the person on the other end of the phone. 

Louis takes it and settles in to the other chair, taking a long drag. His mind tells him that he hadn’t smoked since Stan’s New Years Eve party back in Donny but apparently his lungs have taken more since then and he’s managed to develop himself a bit of a smokers cough.

“My mum can hear you coughing.” Zayn snorts, glancing over at Louis. “She says I’m a bad influence.”

“Am I smoker now? I only used to smoke when I was drunk,” Louis asks curious, handing the cigarette back.

“You don’t smoke as much as me but you and Li smoke much more often than you did when we first met.” Zayn shrugs, taking a drag himself. “I suppose it is partly my fault,” He rolls his eyes and Louis can hear the person on the other end of the line yelling. “Apparently it’s my entire fault. Yeah, mamma, yeah, he’s fine, thanks. I’ve got to go now, love you, bye.”

“Your mother loves me then?” Louis smirks.

“There’s very few that don’t.” Zayn says sincerely.

Louis sinks in to the chair and looks out at the sun rising over a busy London city. “It’s so frustrating. I wish I could just flick a switch and remember everything.”

“I know.” Zayn replies regretfully. “It’s not that bad though, you get to fall in love with Liam every week. Anyone who gets to do that is lucky.”

“Yeah,” Louis says quietly. “But what if gets tired of making me fall in love with him?”

“That’s not going to happen.” Zayn tells him fiercely. “And don’t tell him that you’re thinking that either, it’s hard enough as it is.”

“But—“

“No, Lou.” Zayn say sternly. “I get that all of this is confusing for you but it’s hard for him too, if you start saying things like that, it’s only going to upset him. As much as I love you, I’d have to kick your arse if you ever make him upset for no good reason.”

Louis sighs. “You’re like bloody Bucky protecting Steve Rodgers.”

“Marvel analogy.” Zayn grins, bright and beautiful. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”

Louis smiles a little and they both fall in to a silence until Liam comes out on the balcony, the two _‘children’_ pushing at each other as they follow him out.

 “Stop it,” Liam scolds. “Honestly, you’re both legal adults, one day you’ll have to act like it.”

“Zayn,” Harry yelps, completely ignoring Liam as he dives on top of Zayn.

Zayn laughs and wraps an arm around Harry, holding his other outstretched as not to burn him with the cigarette. “Hey babe, how was LA?”

They slip in to a conversation in mumbles that no one can be bothered to make out. Liam takes the cigarette from Zayn’s hand, takes the last drag and then stubs it out in the ash tray on the table.

“We’re leaving soon,” Liam tells Louis. “Is there anything you need to ask me or anything you want before I go?”

“Yes,” Louis says, lips slowly tilting up.

“If it’s got to do with anything we were talking about in the bedroom then don’t even start to ask.” Liam says, the blush already rising on his cheeks, even as he tries to keep a stern expression.

“What were you talking about in the bedroom?” Niall teases.

“Nothing,” Liam says loudly, grabbing him by the shoulders. “We’ll meet you in the car, Haz.”

He leads Niall off the balcony and Louis follows them inside, folding his arms and leaning on the balcony door as he watches Liam lead a grinning Niall through the apartment.

“So, we’re husbands that don’t kiss each other goodbye then?” He asks.

“Why did you have to say that?” Niall groans.

Louis ignores him, smiling at Liam who instantly lets go of Niall to jog back over to him and grab him by the face, to kiss him fiercely. Louis sinks in to the kiss, his fingers curling around the front of Liam’s shirt. When they finally pull apart—because Niall is whining from across the room and Zayn coughs loudly from behind them—they’re both panting.

“I love how reminding Lou of his life involves lots of kissing.” Harry says amused.

Louis condones any teasing they want to throw their way, as long as Liam never stops smiling at him the way he is right now.

“I love you,” Liam says, fingers stroking Louis’ jaw. “Zayn has my number, text me if you need anything.”

Louis nods and allows him to leave the apartment this time, with both Niall and Harry trailing after him. Zayn picks up a set of car keys off the coffee table and smiles at Louis.

“Ready?” Zayn asks as he leads the way out of the apartment.

“Wait, why don’t I have my own phone?” Louis asks as he follows him out.

Zayn waits for him to get outside the door before closing locking it. “You do but the first time this happened, we let you have it and it didn’t end very well.”

“What happened?” Louis asks as he follows Zayn to the lift.

“You got texts from people you didn’t know or you rang people you thought you still knew.” Zayn shrugs, pressing the button for the lift. “Liam will give it back to you in a couple of days, once he’s explained a few more things.”

Louis nods, trusting both Liam and Zayn, even though he knows nothing about either of them really.

***

The book store turns out to be a really boring place to work, at least for Louis. Zayn seems quite content to sit behind the little desk, with his legs resting on it and a book in his hand, smiling charmingly at any customers that walk in. Louis gets bored after the first half an hour, unable sit still for long. He ends up stealing Zayn’s phone and laying on one of the bean bag chairs and spends most of the morning texting Liam crude things. He barley gets replies but the ones he does get are pure gold and he feels like he’s getting closer and closer to his ultimate goal, finding out what the hell kinky shit they do in the bedroom.

By the time afternoon rolls around, another employee turns up—he’s a very attractive ginger guy with coloured sleeve tattoos on both arms—and he’s introduced as Daragh but Zayn doesn’t want to inform Louis of anything other than his name. Louis doesn’t ask either, he’s happy to be able to get out of the place and go with Zayn to meet the other lads and Liam for lunch.

“How’s your day going?” Liam asks as they settle in a booth at TGI Fridays.

“It’s been slow, working with books is boring.” Louis complains.  

Liam glances over at Zayn who looks unfazed by Louis’ complaint and continues to happily chat to Harry. “Talk to Zayn, that’s what you normally do. That’s why you decided to start working there in the first place.”  

“I’m pretty fond of the pretty fella, then?” Louis wonders. “You’re not jealous?”

“That you get along with my best mate, not at all.” Liam shakes his head. “Plus, even if you don’t know how much you love me. I’m pretty sure Z is taken,”

Louis follows his gaze across the table to where Harry is giggling in to Zayn’s neck and Zayn is looking down at it him with the same fond smile Liam gives him.

“Pretty sure I’m taken too.” Louis promises and fiddles with the ring on Liam’s finger as his hand rests on the table.

Liam hides his smile in Louis’ shoulder. “I love you.”

Louis continues to fiddle with the ring, wishing he could say it back and mean it with his entire heart. Instead he distracts Liam by making up a game of what they should choose to eat.

He learns a few things as they all eat together. Apparently Niall likes his food, Harry has picked up this habit where he eats anyone’s food but his own, Zayn doesn’t eat pork for religious reasons and Liam—according to Niall—always orders a healthy side and then steals Louis’ chips.

By the time he gets back to the book store with Zayn, he’s feeling a little more satisfied and comfortable. Instead of going back to where the beanbags are at the back of the store, he settles himself on the floor next to where Zayn spreads out on the desk chair. Daragh is still there but Zayn seems to content to ignore him so Louis takes that as instruction and does so too.

“How many tattoos do you have?” He asks curiously.

Zayn pears down at, pressing the book he was reading to his chest. “Twenty five and counting if I continue being friends with you and Haz.”

“These aren’t your bad influence then?” Louis queries while holding up his own questionable assortment of tattoos.

“No, that one is all on your first best mate.” Zayn informs him. “Got a bitten by the bug before I’d even met him, got his first one when he turned sixteen, thought you knew that?”

Louis closes his eyes for a second and tries to remember Harry mentioning getting a tattoo, only to come up blank. “No, he never had any tattoos that I can remember.”

“The star on his arm?” Zayn asks curiously.

Louis shakes his head. “No, he must not have told me. Probably knew I would have made fun of him for being such a teenage girl. Who gets a star as their first tattoo, honestly?”

“Your first was the stickman on a skateboard, babe.”

“That’s cool though.” Louis argues.

“Have you met our Harry?” Zayn snorts.

Louis nods, lifting his hands behind his head. “True and they’ve gotten much worse. How can you be attracted to a guy with a moth tattooed on to his stomach?”

“It’s a butterfly and it’s a pun, it’s completely him.” Zayn shrugs. “You can’t help who you love, even if he happens to be an idiot who tells terrible jokes and gets bad puns tattooed on to his skin.”

“So you do then?” Louis asks curiously.

“Love him?”

“Yeah?”

“Of course.” Zayn agrees easily. “But we’re both shit at relationships and he’s never in London long enough for us to keep one anyway. It’s easier this way.”

“Easier for who?”

“Both of us.” Zayn states. “I can’t deal with him being gone and he wouldn’t be able to handle a relationship because his lifestyle is so busy.”

“Okay.” Louis says softly because he promised he wouldn’t meddle.

Zayn smiles slightly and picks his book back up and they both settle in to a comfortable silence.

***

That night after they’ve eaten their weight in Chinese food and have watched all the new marvel movies that Louis hasn’t seen, they all settle on the balcony, passing around a spliff.

“So how about a game of never have I ever?” Niall asks, spread out on the longer of the three chairs.

“What are we twelve year old girls?” Zayn snorts, passing the lit spliff back to Harry, who’s legs he’s sat between.

Louis plays with Liam’s fingers that are resting on his waist, both of them curled up on one of the pouffe’s that’s pushed back against the wall of the balcony. “It might help me a bit.”

“Fine.” Zayn huffs.

Niall woops and sits up in the chair he was lay across, crossing his legs and reaching to take the spliff from Harry. “Lou, you can go first.”

“Uhm, okay.” Louis sits up a little straighter so he’s not pressed in to Liam’s side. “Never have I ever had sex in a public place.”

“That’s not exactly true, babe.” Liam tells him, cheeks turning a lovely crimson colour.

“Oh,” Louis says quietly. “Uhm, uh, never have I ever gotten arrested.”

Liam nods, satisfied. Niall, Harry and Zayn take sips from their beers. Louis looks over them a little wide eye, his Harry in particular.

“They’re bad influences.” Harry mumbles, burying his face in Zayn’s hair.

“We got arrested for sneaking in to a concert,” Zayn explains. “We weren’t charged though.”

“Harry Edwards Styles, what would you mother think.” Louis teases.

Niall passes the spliff to Liam. “Your turn Payno, been as you’re the only good one in this bunch of hooligans.”

“Always was.” Liam states, taking a drag. “Okay, never have I ever, uh, been tied up.”

Louis swallows loudly when Liam nods to the beer that he has trapped between his thighs. “Really?”

“Is this going to turn in to some weird sex thing for you two because I’d rather not be a part of that,” Harry complains, even though both he and Zayn took sips of their beer.

Liam ignores him and hands the spliff back to Niall. “Your turn, Ni.”

Louis sips at his beer, millions of questions running through his mind that he wants to ask but Liam is avoiding looking at him.

“Never have I ever,” Niall says dramatically while taking a drag. “Eaten a guy out.”  

“Can we try one that isn’t sexual next,” Zayn complains but takes a sip of his beer anyway.

Liam takes a sip of his beer but shakes his head when Louis looks at him curiously, beer inching towards his own lips. Niall passes Louis the spliff.

“Uhm,” Louis drawls, taking a long drag to let himself think. “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping?”

He words it like question and looks up at Liam who shakes his head.

“Travelled to America?”

Liam shakes his head.

“Been cheated on?”

Liam bites his lip and then takes a sip of his own beer. None of the other three drinks so Louis holds the spliff out to them and Zayn leans forward to take it.

“Was it me?” Louis whispers to Liam.

Liam squeezes his waist and shakes his head, focusing on Zayn’s question. The game continues on in to the early hours of the morning and Louis learns a few things about his friends. Like Niall’s never had a serious relationship, and is quite bland when it comes to sex, he also has no tattoos. Zayn’s slept with more than fifteen people, he’s also never had a serious relationship and he’s very kinky when it comes to sex. Most of things Harry answers are things he already knew apart from the fact he headlined MSG all by himself—which Niall brought up, knowing Harry would be the only one to drink—and owns two houses, one that’s very expensive and in LA and the other equally as expensive but just up the road.

Liam is a whole other story, the things he learns about Liam he wants to question all of them. The first being what bastard cheated on him so he can break their nose.

“I think it’s time for bed,” Liam yawns, moving his arm from around Louis. “You guys staying the night?”

“I think I’m gonna head to town, see if I can get laid.” Niall informs him, standing up and stretching out his bones.

Harry runs his fingers through a dozing Zayn’s hair. “Can we take the spare room?”

“As long as you promise not to do any of your weird kinky sex shit in there,” Louis replies, grinning.

“Ditto.” Harry retorts with his own grin.

Liam stands up from the pouffe and pulls Louis along with him. “We’ll be leaving at ten at the latest tomorrow. You’ll be here right, Ni?”

“Sure.” Niall hiccups.

Liam nods and leads Louis inside the apartment, leaving the other three to it. He doesn’t drop his hand from Louis’ waist until they’re inside the bedroom and he disappears in to the bathroom. Louis strips himself down to his boxers, feeling too hot to sleep in Liam’s shirt tonight and crawls in to the bed. It takes a while for Liam to come out of the bathroom and when he does he doesn’t smile at Louis like he did the night before, in fact he does everything in his power to avoid looking at Louis as he gets dressed for bed.

“So, where are we going tomorrow?” Louis asks curiously.

“Donny.” Liam replies bluntly, taking off his watch and putting it on the chest of draws.

“Oh, okay.” Louis says wanting to ask if he’s done something to upset Liam.

Eventually—after taking his time changing from his jeans and shirt in to some pyjama bottoms—Liam turns off the light and crawls in to the bed next to Louis.

“Everything okay?” Louis whispers in to the darkness.

Liam’s fingers trail across his bare stomach gently, making him shiver. “Everything’s fine.”

“You’re lying.” Louis says irritated.

Liam laughs softly, almost broken sounding. “I forgot how straight forward you used to be.”

“What’s wrong?” Louis presses.

“I miss you,” Liam admits quietly. “I know it’s selfish and I should be grateful that I even have you. But sometimes it hurts, you don’t look at me the way you used to and I can’t—“

His voice breaks and he makes a noise that’s something close to a sob, it makes Louis’ chest hurt.

“Every time I think we have a chance, that I have you back for good.” Liam sniffles. “I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone again.”

“Liam,” Louis says softly, he doesn’t know how to soothe him but he does know he’s going to have to leave if Liam carries on. It hurts too much to lie here and listen to.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you this.” Liam admits and tightens his fingers around Louis’ waist. “I don’t want you to think that you’re not—“He pauses and presses his face to Louis’ bare shoulder. “You’re worth it, Lou. I’d rather have you not remember me than not have you at all.”

“It’s hard, it’s understandable.” Louis says, gently stroking his fingers through Liam’s hair. “You’re a great man, Liam. I’m lucky to be able to know you, let alone be married to you.”

Liam presses a kiss to Louis’ to shoulder and then to his jaw and then finally to the corner of his lips. “I love you, so much.”

Louis turns his head slightly and catches Liam’s lips with his own. The kiss starts of gentle and Liam’s hand comes up to cup Louis’ cheek, his thumb stroking along the line of Louis’ jaw. But slowly he deepens the kiss and Louis melts in to it, his hand coming up to grip Liam’s wrist.

“You always kiss me the same.” Liam whispers, not moving his lips away from Louis’.

Louis smiles and kisses him again and they keep kissing until they’re both too tired to keep their eyes open anymore.

***

It turned out Louis’ mum had organised a barbecue for all them to go to down to in Donny and Liam had promised that all the people invited would be people Louis knew. Louis spends a good portion of the day going around and catching up with people who he feels like he saw only months previous but who look like they’ve aged years.

It’s not until mid afternoon that he finally catches sight of his mum, he finds her in the living room with Phoebe and Daisy, and a few of her friends. There’s a wedding being played on the TV and Louis pauses the moment he catches sight of it.

“Is that me?”

His mother nods, smiling brightly. “It’s your wedding day, come watch.”                                                                    

Louis sits down on the space she pats beside her and keeps his eyes glued on the TV. He and Liam are both in matching suits, and Liam’s trying to attach a blue flower to the lapel of Louis’ jacket. Except Louis keeps kissing him and saying things to make him laugh to distract him. It then cuts to clips of everyone else getting ready, and Louis’ sisters are all dressed in pale blue dresses and the lads are all in navy suits, with blue cravats to match the dresses. It cuts to everyone waiting at the ceremony, and Louis laughs when his grandfather pokes his tongue out at the camera. The flower girls show next and Louis hates that he doesn’t recognise either of them. Eventually it shows him and Liam standing together at the altar hand in hand, and his chest tightens when the person holding the camera zooms in on his face because he looks ecstatic and completely in love.

“Best day of my life,” Liam says causing Louis to look away from the screen to where he’s leaning on the doorway to the living room with Doris balanced on his hip.  

 “Mine too.” Liam agrees with a small smile. “I think, at least it looks that way.”

“Food’s ready,” Liam announces to the room but his eyes and smile are just for Louis.

“We’ll watch the rest later,” His mother says, squeezing his thigh.

Louis nods, watching her and everyone else disappear out of the room. He stands up and makes his way over to Liam, making a funny face at Doris to make her giggle.

“Are you okay? This isn’t too much is it?” Liam asks gently.

Louis shakes his head and takes Doris from his grip. “I’m perfect. Aren’t I, babe?”  

“Oh-eh.” Doris squeals and tugs on the collar of his shirt.

“She knows my name?” Louis says shocked.

Liam nods and brushes his hand gently across Doris’ head. “Of course, we come down here all the time. You’re her favourite and I’m everybody else’s.”

“Doris tell Liam he has to stop telling porkies or his nose will grow.” Louis says, trying not to smile.

Doris looks up at Liam with a frown. “No.”

“Ernie likes my best though, right?” Liam pouts.

Doris shakes her head. “No, no, no, no—“

“I think he gets it, squirt.” Louis laughs and leads the way out to the back garden.

Dan takes his daughter from Louis’ hands with a polite smile and moves down the garden to where Louis’ mother sits with Ernie resting on her lap. Harry hands both him and Liam a burger, and shoos them off before they make a comment on how terribly burnt they are. Liam finds them a place on the grass, and Louis settles himself between his _husband’s_ legs the moment he’s sat down.

“Comfy?” Liam asks with his chin resting on Louis’ shoulder.

Louis nods, picking at his burger as he watches his family and friends enjoy each other’s company. They stay there, tucked in the corner of the garden until everyone starts to head home, and all that’s left is Louis’ immediate family and the lads.

“Looks like everyone is heading in,” Liam says quietly against the skin of Louis’ neck. “Do you want to go too?”

“Hmm.” Louis mumbles, to comfortable to move.

Liam doesn’t move, only tightens his grip around Louis and brushes his lips across the bare skin of Louis’ neck. Eventually Louis’ mother calls them from the patio doors and he reluctantly lets Louis go, managing somehow to lift them both to a standing position. Louis waits for him to collect up both their abandoned paper plates and sticks close to his side as they both walk back towards the house.

“Everyone is in the living room waiting to watch a movie,” His mother tells Liam, while circling her fingers around Louis’ forearm.

Liam nods and squeezes Louis waist gently, taking the instruction and passing her inside the house. Louis’ looks at his mother expectantly but she only smiles softly, keeping her fingers around his arm as she leads him inside the house, in the opposite direction to the way Liam went and up the stairs instead. They end up in his old room, which has now been converted in to a room for the new twins. His mum sits him in the rocking chair in the corner and grabs something from the chest of draws in the opposite corner.

“Come down when you’re ready,” She tells him, pressing a kiss to his forehead and putting the book on his lap.

Louis watches her walk out of the room and then looks down to the leather bound journal—so this was definitely Harry’s idea—in his hand that has written across the front of it, in his handwriting _: ‘Louis William Tomlinson-Payne this is your life’_. He snorts, knowing from that one line that this is definitely the journal he wrote that his mum was talking about.

It takes him at least an hour to read through the journal, every page is filled with words and scribbles. It’s weird hearing about the accident in his own words, in much more detail than how Liam had explained. It is nice to be able to read about the four years he can’t remember from himself, even if it still is someone else’s version of events. The last few pages he likes the best, they’re little tips and hints from himself, like a Louis to Louis handbook on the works of the magical creature that is Liam Tomlinson-Payne.

***

Later, when they’re back in their own apartment and Louis is curled up in their bed, waiting for Liam to join him, he gets an idea in his head.

“You look thoughtful,” Liam comments, coming out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

Louis gets distracted a moment, watching water droplets glistening off Liam’s abs. “I have an idea!”

“You do?” Liam laughs.

“I do.” Louis nods, dropping his eyes to the bed so he won’t be distracted. “Do you have a laptop? Or do I have one?”

“You had one you used to write your scripts on,” Liam answers. “Hang on.”

He grabs some boxers out of the top draw of the chest of draws, slips them on and disappears out of the room. When he returns he’s got a silver apple mac in his hand and it’s covered in doodles.

“You let Zayn have at it with a sharpie,” Liam explains, handing it over.

Louis smiles, flicking it open and turning it on. He has to get Liam to put in the password, feeling guilty when he’s told it’s their anniversary. When the mac has finally fully loaded, he pulls up word and sits crossed legged in the middle of the bed.

“So, what’s your brilliant idea?” Liam asks as he lies across the bed in front of him.

“You know the journal my mother has?”

Liam nods.

“I want to expand on it,” Louis explains as he types a heading on the word document exactly as it is written on his journal. “I want to type out all the things I should know about you and our relationship, even the little things, like the way you take your tea. Or the bad things, like the fact you way you take little hiccupy breathes when you’re upset to stop yourself from crying.”

Liam leans his face on his palm. “Everything?”

“Everything.” Louis nods. “And I want to do it tonight and if I wake up tomorrow wiped clean again, I want you to show me the journal and this document. I don’t want you to have to keep pausing your life to make me remember you. I want to know, in my own words, how very important to me you are.”

Liam looks unsure for a moment but he eventually nods his head. “Okay, where do you want to start?”

“Uhm, let’s start with the way you take your tea?”

“Lots of sugar and lots of milk.” Liam says, grinning when Louis screws up his nose. “You always refuse to make it the way I like it, unless I’m pissed at you or it’s a special occasion.”

“Sounds like me.” Louis agrees, clicking the bullet points and typing it in. “Okay, what’s your favourite food?”

“Lasagne.”

“Favourite colour?”

“Blue.”

“Favourite movie?”

“Any of the marvel trilogies.”

“What’s your favourite body part?” Louis grins.

“Normally the eyes.” Liam answers honestly. “On you, your arse.”

“Obviously.” Louis snorts, typing it in. “I quite like your abs.”

Liam laughs as Louis pokes his toes in to his stomach. “Maybe you should write that down.”

Louis does as he’s told and they continue well in to the early hours. Sometimes Louis gets distracted, especially when Liam gets lost in a memory and gets this little glazed look in his eyes. Eventually Liam falls asleep but Louis doesn’t, the sun begins to rise and he’s still putting everything Liam has told him in order of importance.

“Hmm.” Liam grumbles sleepily, putting his hand on the top of the laptop to try and close it. “Time for sleep, baby.”

“Wait, let me save it.” Louis panics, quickly saving the document.

Liam moves from where he was lying across the end of the bend and under the sheets instead. Louis closes the laptop and slips it on to the floor and then climbs under the covers too. Liam’s still half asleep but he manages to slip his arm around Louis’ waist and nuzzle his face in to the back of Louis’ neck.

“I love you.” Louis whispers in to the silent room.

***

Louis wakes up to a warm body pressed up behind him and something else too. “Hmm, someone’s happy this morning.”

“Sorry,” Liam mumbles, moving back slightly so he’s not pressed up against Louis as much.  

Louis wriggles back to keep Liam pressed to him. “I wasn’t complaining,”

“Lou,” Liam pleads.

 “Don’t think I haven’t forgotten what we talked about, Liam.”

Liam groans, burying his face in Louis’ neck.

“Tell me,” Louis pushes, voice rough with sleep and want. “What’s your dirty little secret, babe?”

Liam pushes his hips forward like he can’t help himself and says quietly. “I like to control you.”

“Yeah?” Louis says shakily.

“Yeah,” Liam hums. “Like to tease you and make you beg for it.”

“Fuck,” Louis pants, his dick is paying attention now, pushing up hard against the confine of his boxers.

Liam trails kisses along the line of Louis’ neck to his ear and says huskily. “You’re so pretty when you beg,”

“Fuck, Liam.” Louis groans. “Touch me, please.”

“Lou, are you sure?” Liam asks unsure.

“Yes, I’m fuck—“Louis sentence gets cut off in to a moan as Liam’s hand disappears beneath his boxers and his fingers wrap tightly around Louis’ shaft.

Liam knows exactly what pace to go at and how to grasp in the way that makes Louis want to cry with how good it feels. It’s foreign and familiar at the same time because it’s Liam’s hand but the way he’s jacking Louis off, it’s like he’s inside Louis’ mind, knowing exactly what he wants.

“That good, baby?” Liam questions softly, his free hand pushing Louis’ boxers out of the way.

“Liam,” Liam says breathlessly, unable to come up with a coherent answer, not with the way Liam’s flicking his wrist, his free hand spreading Louis’ arse cheeks, damp finger pressing inside.

“I’m going to fuck you, “Liam says, pressing a kiss to Louis’ shoulder and somehow managing not to falter on either of his hand movements. “And you’re not going to come until I say, okay?”

Louis drops his head back against Liam’s shoulder, eyes closing as he tries to keep his breathing under control. “O—Okay.”

Liam removes both his hands and it takes everything in Louis power not to whine in complaint. Soon he’s been manhandled on to his front, his now neglected cock trapped between his stomach and the crumpled bed sheets. Liam starts to press kisses from his neck down to the base of his spine and Louis hums with how good it feels to have someone’s lips on him. His cock twitches in complaint as he shifts against the bed, helping Liam remove his boxers completely from his legs.

“Definitely my favourite body part,” Liam comments, squeezing Louis’ arse.

Louis laughs but it’s quickly swallowed as Liam leans down to bite marks in the skin of his arse cheeks. He breaths heavily and grips at the sheets, getting the gist of where this is going.

“You’re alright,” Liam tells him, squeezing Louis’ arse again and then pulling his cheeks apart.

“Li, I can’t, I haven’t,” He swallows loudly. “I can’t remember,”

“It’s okay,” Liam assures him. “You really like it, trust me.”

Louis turns his face in to the pillow beneath his head and nods. It feels abnormal at first, having someone’s tongue _there_ but Louis soon moves past that when Liam does something with his tongue that sends pleasure straight to his trapped dick. Louis whines because it feels like it’s too much and when Liam teases his balls, he’s withering with it, unable to keep himself still.

“Li, I can’t, I need—“Louis pants, swallowing his own pleas. 

Liam bites a mark in to the back of one of Louis’ thighs, it’s hard enough to leave a bruise and Louis winces. “What was that, baby?”

“Please,” Louis begs. “Please, please, need you.”

Liam makes a satisfied noise and moves back up Louis body, pressing a kiss to the top of his spine. “You’re so beautiful, so, so beautiful.”

“Liam,” Louis whines needy.

“Wait,” Liam orders, voice dangerously calm. Louis’ mouth clamps shut.

He tries to stay still as Liam moves across the bed to get the lube from the draw but his body seems to disagreement with what his brain wants to tell it to do and he finds himself rutting against the bed, every single part of him itching with the need to come.

“Fuck, look at you.” Liam says breathless and then more sternly. “Don’t you dare come.”

“What happens if I do?” Louis asks, feeling bold.

Liam moves behind him, tugging him up so his hips are hovering off the bed and his cock gives a twitch in relief. “I’ll be really disappointed.”

Louis doesn’t know why that sounds worse than any punishment Liam could have offered.

“On your elbows, babe.” Liam orders and kisses Louis shoulder when he does as told.

Louis twists his head to look over his shoulder when he hears the lube cap open and he loses his breath at the sight he’s greeted with. Liam is kneeling behind him, cock hard and shiny in his hand as he covers it with lube and Louis realises it’s the first time he’s seen Liam naked—the first time in his broken memory anyway—and he’s kind of overwhelmed with how beautiful he is.

“Fuck,” He breaths sharply, dropping his head between his shoulders.

“Alright?” Liam asks, fingers tracing Louis’ spine gently.

Louis nods and bites down on his lip as he feels Liam line himself up and slowly push in. It hurts at first and Liam gives him as long as he need to adjust, his body covering Louis’ like a blanket and his one arm is curled across Louis’ chest to hold them together. 

“Li,” Louis pants, pressing back in to Liam when he feels ready.

Liam pulls back almost all the way out and for a second Louis thinks he’s done something wrong and Liam’s about to pull out all together until Liam pushes back in with a painfully hard thrust. It takes all the breath out of Louis and he’s thankful for the arm Liam has around him because he wouldn’t have been able to keep himself up otherwise.

The only noise echoing the entire room is Louis’ heavy pants and the sound of skin slapping against skin. Liam’s got his face buried in to the back of Louis’ neck and he isn’t missing a thrust, each one as controlled and hard as the last. The closer Louis’ orgasm creeps, the more boneless his body feels and eventually his arms give way and he falls down on to the bed. It doesn’t faze Liam who pulls his arm from where it’s trapped under Louis and grips the back of Louis’ neck instead, his pace picking up.

“Liam, Li, please.” Louis begs desperately, his cock heavy and sensitive where it’s being rubbed against the bed sheets.

“Not yet.” Liam says through gritted teeth.

He pulls out of Louis and Louis is about complain out loud but Liam flips him over and is back inside him before the words have chance to escape his lips.

“Wanna see you,” Liam pants, pressing his forehead to Louis’ as he picks up his rhythm again in the new position.

Louis wants to get a hand around himself but he doesn’t know if he’s allowed so he digs his fingers in to Liam’s sides instead. “Please.”

“Yeah, yeah you can.” Liam says, wrapping his hand around Louis.”Come, Lou. Come now.”

Louis barely makes it through one jerk of Liam’s hand and he’s coming hot and heavy across both their stomachs and chests. Liam helps him through it, keeping the movement of his hand in rhythm with his thrusts. Louis thinks he feels Liam come too but he’s too far gone to be able to really tell.

When he does finally come back to himself, he’s no longer got Liam on top of him but now lying beside him, trying to catch his breath and smiling at Louis brightly.

Louis laughs, trying to catch his own breath. “Is it always like that?”

“Before the accident, yeah.” Liam nods. “Not really since though.”

“We haven’t had sex in six months?” Louis asks shocked.

“No, we had sex.” Liam says, looking to the ceiling. “It was just bland I suppose. I didn’t want to, “

“Scare me off?” Louis offer when Liam doesn’t finish his sentence.            

Liam nods and closes his eyes, focusing on getting his breathing steady again.

“Definitely need to write that in my _‘things you need to know about your relationship’_ document.” Louis says and curls up to Liam’s side. “We should always be having sex like that.”

Liam kisses his forehead and mumbles something about needing a shower but Louis ignores him, already drifting back to sleep.

***

The second time he wakes up, he’s alone but he can hear voices drifting in from other areas of the apartment so he decided to take a shower and head out to investigate afterwards. There are marks on his thigh, his arse and across his shoulders that he spots when he gets in to the bathroom. He pokes at the one on his thigh, a slight pang of happiness flowing through him when it hurts slightly and he kind of wants Liam to make marks like that all over his skin.

Once he’s showered and dressed in a pair of Liam’s jogging bottoms and one of Liam’s t-shirts, he finally ventures out in to the apartment, the voices lead him to the kitchen but he stops short outside, hearing his name being mentioned. 

“Three days has to be a new record though, right?” Niall says through a mouth full of something.

“It’s Lou,” Harry states obviously. “Are we really acting surprised that he gave it up after three days.”

Louis would be offended but Harry’s his best friend, he knows every single thing about him and it’s sort of true, he was a bit of a slag before Liam.

“I wasn’t talking about the sex.” Niall comes back. “He’d give that up the first day if Liam was as easy as him.”

Louis is slightly offended by that, he’s not _that_ easy.

“I’m talking about him saying he loves you,” Niall continues. “He’s never said it this early before, right? Sometimes he doesn’t ever say it.”

“He didn’t say it to me though.” Liam argues. “He thought I was asleep, he could have just been testing it and found out that he didn’t feel that way after all.”

“Bullshit,” Zayn jumps in. “I know it’s been hard for the two of you but there’s no way he can’t love you, he still looks at you—“

“No,” Liam says firmly, cutting Zayn off. “No, he doesn’t look at me the same and I don’t expect him to. He’s not the Louis who fell in love with me over four years. He’s the guy I met at a football match and to him I’m a stranger, it makes sense that he doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do him, he’s in a completely different position.” 

“But what if some part of him knows you’re not a stranger.” Harry says. “What if somewhere in his subconscious all his feelings for you are still there.”

“Stop.” Liam cries. It’s heartbreaking.

“Okay, babe.” Zayn says softly. “Alright, we’ll stop, come here.”

Louis hovers slightly, not knowing what to do, he can’t go back to the bedroom, it’s too quiet for them not to notice the creak of the floorboards but he can’t go in either, his head and heart can’t take the broken state he knows he’ll find Liam in.

“Lou?” Niall calls, making the decision for him.

“Morning,” Louis says as he steps in to the kitchen, trying to act casual and ignore the fact that Liam practically jumps up from where he was curled in to Zayn’s arms.

“It’s mid afternoon,” Harry informs him. “You slept all day, sleepyhead.”

“I was a bit warn out,” Louis admits, avoiding looking at anyone.

“We heard,” Niall teases. “We’re thinking of ordering pizza, do you still like Hawaiian?”

Louis nods and moves across the kitchen to the sink. There’s a mumbled conversation behind him as he fills up a cup with water and eventually the other three head in to the living room, leaving him alone with Zayn.

“How much of that conversation did you hear?” Zayn asks.

“Enough to know I’m breaking his heart,” Louis shrugs, gripping the sink and stiffening his shoulders to keep his emotions in check.

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” Zayn softly, edging closer but not touching Louis.

It’s like he knows that’s what Louis needs. He probably does, if they’ve been friends for four years and are as close as Liam says. He’s probably seen Louis upset more times that Louis would like. For some reason knowing that but not being able to remember any of the times Zayn might have seen upset, only makes his head hurt and spur on his anger.

“It’s not his fault either.” He yells, throwing the cup in to the sink. It’s plastic so it doesn’t break but the water inside covers the counter top and that soothes Louis’ anger a little.  

Zayn doesn’t flinch but he does move a couple of steps closer. “Lou,”

“He’s a good fucking person, Zayn.” Louis cries.  “He shouldn’t have to put up with this and it’s killing me—“

His voice cracks and Louis hates that, he hates looking weak and when Zayn finally wraps him in a hug, he tries to fight him off, not wanting to be comforted because he’s angry with himself for forgetting Liam. He doesn’t understand how his brain could forget the only good thing he’s ever had going for him in his life.

“Shh.” Zayn soothes, tightening his grip until Louis settles.

“He loves me so much,” Louis sobs in to Zayn’s shoulder. “But I can’t—I want to—I want to remember what it’s like to love him as much as he loves me.”

“I know.” Zayn says gently, squeezing the back of his neck. “I know you do.”

They both fall in to a silence until Louis has calmed down and then Zayn lets him go. Louis lifts the collar of Liam’s shirt up to wipe at his face.

“Okay?” Zayn asks, squeezing Louis’ arm when he nods. “Come in when you’re ready.”

Louis nods, watches him walk out and gives him a few minute before following. Harry instantly gets up from where he’s curled up to Liam’s side and moves over to spread himself across both Niall and Zayn on the other side of the L shaped couch. Louis takes Harry’s vacant spot cautiously but settles the moment Liam wraps an arm around him.

“Niall ordered the pizza,” Liam tells him. “It’s your turn to decide what movie we watch.”

“Can we watch one I know?” Louis asks.

“Anything you want,” Liam says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

Louis rests his head on Liam’s chest so he doesn’t have to see his sad eyes. “Snakes on a plane, do we have that one?”

 “I think I saw it on Netflix.” Liam tells Harry who’s messing with the TV remote.

“I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.” Niall says from across the couch, doing an extremely good impression of Samuel L Jackson. “Class choice, Tommo.” 

Louis smiles half-heartedly at him and snuggles as close to Liam as he can possibly get, making a satisfied noise when Liam curls his hand around his shoulder and digs his fingers in.

***

“I need a favour,” Louis says later that night while he and Harry are in the kitchen making tea.

Harry puts a tea bag in each cup and grabs the milk from the fridge all before turning to look at Louis. “I’m not going to like this favour, am I?”

Louis shrugs, kicking his feet against the cupboards as he sits on the counter.

Harry folds his arms and leans his hip against the same counter. “What is it?”

“Can you get me Eleanor’s number?” Louis asks and purposely avoids Harry’s gaze.

“Lou,” Harry says softly. “You haven’t spoken to Eleanor in years.”

“I know, well I don’t know because in my head we broke up two months ago.” Louis breathes out heavily and tugs his fingers through his hair. “Could you just do this one thing for me?”

“If you tell me the reason you want it then sure.” Harry nods, putting his hand on Louis thigh and squeezing softly. “Why do you want it, Lou?”

“I need to know something and I think she’ll be the only one who can give me an answer.” Louis says which isn’t really an explanation but he hopes it’s enough to satisfy Harry.

Harry looks unsure. “You’re not going to leave Liam for her, are you?”

“Of course not,” Louis says, offended. “Liam is the sole reason I need to talk to her.”

“Alright.” Harry agrees. “I think I still have my number from when we first rang around after the accident.”

“Thank you,” Louis says happily, pressing a sloppy kiss to Harry’s cheek. “Now hurry up and make the tea before the lads get curious.”

Harry does as he’s told and doesn’t even notice that Louis offered to come in the kitchen to help and all he’s done so far is get the biscuits from the cupboard, and even with that Harry had to show him what cupboard they were in. 

***

Harry gets him lunch with Eleanor rather than giving him her number, he also tells Liam that the two of them are going to lunch so he won’t get suspicious. Sometimes Louis truly underestimates how good of a best mate Harry is.

“You look gorgeous.” Louis says the moment he sits down opposite Eleanor. He’s not lying because she looks exactly as he remembers, like age hadn’t touched her. The only thing that makes her older than the nineteen year old he remembers is the way she’s dressed—in a black pin skirt and pale cream blouse—because it makes her blend in with all the other London business women.

Eleanor smiles and moves her hair off her face, a nervous habit that Louis remembers well. “You always were a little charmer, Louis Tomlinson.”

“Tomlinson-Payne.” Louis corrects with a grin. 

“Married?” Eleanor asks shocked.

“Harry didn’t tell you,” Louis says confused.  

“No,” She shakes her head and opens her menu. “He told me a few months ago that you had an accident and were having a trouble with your memory. It was a precaution I suppose, in case you called. We didn’t speak much,”

Louis nods his head. “Well, yeah, I’m married. He’s why I’m here actually,”

“Okay?” Eleanor says curiously.

“I don’t know how to word this,” Louis says while scratching at his jaw.

Eleanor bats his hand away and opens his menu for him. “Let’s order our food first.”

Louis tucks his hands in his lap and barley browses the menu, asking the waiter for the first thing his eye comes across when he’s asked what he wants. Eleanor orders herself a salmon salad and orders a bottle of white wine to go along with it. She waits for the waiter to come back with wine and pour them each a glass, and then gives Louis the nod to start talking.

“Do you remember the first time we said _‘I love you’_ to each other?” Louis asks.

Eleanor frowns and shakes her head. “It was more than six years ago, Louis. I can’t—“

“That’s what I mean.” Louis says, cutting her off. “It couldn’t have been a magical moment if neither of us can remember the first time we said it.”

“I suppose, we were kids, it’s not like it was real love.” Eleanor says.

“That’s exactly it.” Louis nods. “But that’s the only love I can remember.”

“You’re not making any sense,” Eleanor says irritated.

“Are you seeing anyone? Have you met anyone since me?” Louis questions.

Eleanor purses her lips. “I’ve dated people, no one at the moment. I hope you’re not hoping we’ll get back together because you’re married—“

“I don’t want to get back together.” Louis says softly. “I love Liam. At least, I think I do.”

“Your husband?” Eleanor queries.

Louis nods. “You should see the way he looks at me, El. I’ve only ever seen that look on one other person in my life and it was my Bamp when he was looking at my Nan.”

“Of course he loves you or he wouldn’t have married you.” Eleanor says obviously.

“I know he loves me, that’s not the problem.” Louis sighs, irritated that he can’t get his point across. “The problem is that he’s head over heels in love with me and I don’t even know what love is or more to the point, how it feels.”

“Oh, Lou.” Eleanor says with a small smile. “No one knows what love is, not really. Every couple has their own definition, their own way of showing it and you have to find yours, that’s all.”

“But what if I find it and then I forget him all over again?” Louis worries.

Eleanor frowns. “Why would you forget him?”

“The accident fucked my brain up,” Louis says gravely. “I can only remember from before the football accident when I was nineteen, do you remember that?”

“Yeah,” Eleanor nods. “You scared the crap out of Harry and he made me come to the hospital, that was the last time we ever spoke. You yelled at me for fussing over you.”

“I’m such a dick,”

“You were.” Eleanor agrees with a small grin. “So, you don’t remember meeting your Liam or falling in love with him?”

Louis shakes his head. “That’s not the worst part. It keeps happening, at random times. I’ll wake up and I’ll think I’m nineteen again, the accident was six months ago and I don’t remember any of those six months.”

Eleanor shakes her head in disbelief. “I need a minute to process this.”

Louis allows her that and takes a sip from his wine as he waits.

“So, you wake up and you think you’re nineteen,” She says eventually. “You have no recollection of Liam or the fact that you’re married to him and how does he handle that exactly?”

“He makes me fall in love with him, every time.” Louis explains. 

“Fuck,” Eleanor blurts.

Louis snorts in surprise because he knows how much she hates swearing, at least she used to. “Yeah,”

“And you’re scared the way you love him isn’t enough?” Eleanor questions.

Louis nods. “Exactly and I’ve made cheat sheets for everything else to make it easier on him. But how do you exactly write or type how much you are in love with someone and have it be so effective that you’ll believe it without needing the other person to prove it.”

“You can’t,” Eleanor says and bites her lip thoughtfully. “But you can show it,”

“How?” Louis asks confused.

“I have an idea.” She grins.

***

Louis jumps on Liam when he arrives at the studio that afternoon. “I have an idea.”

“Well your last idea led to some great morning sex,” Liam grins.

“I think all talk of sex should be banned when in the studio.” Says the young black guy—that Louis doesn’t know but probably should—who’s sat at the sound board. 

Liam ignores him and squeezes Louis’ thighs that are bracketing his waist. “What’s your idea?”

“Well it’s not exactly _my_ idea it’s Eleanor’s but I’m putting it in to practice.” Louis says and is about to continue talking but Liam’s frowning at him. “What?”

“You didn’t go to lunch with Harry today, did you?” Liam asks, face void of expression.

Louis bites his lip. “Are you mad?”

“I’m mad that you lied to me,” Liam replies honestly. “I’m not mad that you saw Eleanor. You can do whatever you want if you think it’ll help but don’t lie to me, Lou. That’s not something we do.”

“Okay,” Louis says and pecks Liam’s lips in apology. “Are you ready for the idea?”

“Sure, let’s hear this grand idea.” Liam says and he’s smiling again.

Louis gets distracted by that smile for a minute until Liam squeezes his thighs. “Right, yeah, okay. Eleanor had this idea that I could vlog my life, you know like those people on youtube do but not so public. That way if I relapse again, you won’t have to tell me everything because I’ll have the video to show me. It’s like the journal and the document but better because it’s visual.”

“Okay,” Liam says slowly like he’s processing it. “So, you’ll video everything?”

Louis bites his lips and nods. “You’re thinking about sex, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” Liam says, cheeks blushing. Louis’ actually amazed that this person and the one he had sex with yesterday are the same person.

“Seriously if you guys start doing it, then I quit.” The guy from the soundboard complains.

“Sorry, Jay.” Liam apologises, his eyes still on Louis. “I’ve got to get back to work, baby. Do you want to go home or to the bookstore?”

“Can I stay here? I won’t be a bother.” Louis promises. “In fact I think I’ll just nap.”

“Sure.” Liam agrees easily and kisses him softly.

“Some people have it so easy.” Jay teases.

Liam gently deposits Louis on to the other side of the couch and goes across the room to clip him across the back of the head. “Have you decided if we’re going to slow down that bit of the chorus or are you still undecided?”

Louis stretches out on the couch, face pressed to his folded arms, perfectly content with watching Liam work.

“We might have to bring Styles back in to record again,” Jay says. “I’m still not sure.”

“I’ll go give him a call, knowing him he’s probably shopping or something.” Liam jokes and pinches Louis bum as he passes out of the room.

Jay spins around in his chair to face Louis. “I’ve got a camera, if you want to borrow it until you can get your own.”

“What kind of camera is it?” Louis asks, trying to suppress a yawn.

“Sony HDR,” Jay says and Louis has no idea what that means. “I have it to record sessions some times for a lark about but you’ll probably make better use of it.”

Louis sits up when Jay holds up the device and catches it when it’s chucked in his direction. “This is some high tech shit, mate.”

“I’m short on cash, bro.” Jay admits with a cocky smirk. “And it’s for you to borrow, look in to getting one with better memory and that takes HD video. You should make sure that you get the best picture of that pretty face that you can.”

“You flatter me,” Louis grins and holds up his hand to show off his ring. “But I’m afraid I’m taken.”

“I was talking about your husband, actually.” Jay smirks.

Louis throws a pillow at him and laughs.

“James Nathanial Junior, most people call me J.R. but you and Li like to shorten it to Jay, apparently everyone has to have a nickname with you people.” J.R. says, moving his chair across the room to offer Louis his hand. “We’ve known each other for about a year and a half. I have this awkward relationship with your mate Niall and you like to be quite a dick about it.”

“Sounds like me.” Louis grins while shaking his hand. “You’ve shagged Niall then?”

“There’s not many people in London who haven’t, mate.” J.R. informs him.

“That little fuck,” Louis shakes his head. “Yesterday morning he was calling me easy and here he is shagging everything with a pulse.”

“Dark horse he is,” J.R. says amused. “Dark horse with lovely pale skin.”

“You’re right,” Louis says, lying back down and fiddling with the camera. “Sex talk is now banned from the studio.”

J.R. laughs and pushes his chair back towards the sound board as Liam walks back in the room. He looks at Louis curiously until Louis grins and holds up the camera like a consolation prize and he laughs. Louis starts watching some of the videos J.R had recorded with Liam, Niall and Harry in the studio as Liam gets back to work.

One video he finds involved him too, he’s sat on Liam’s lap and is pressing buttons on the sound board like a toddler as Liam tries to work on finishing a song with Harry in the sound booth. Eventually Liam grabs his hands to stop him touching things, and J.R. snorts from behind the camera, zooming in on Liam’s tight grip around Louis’ hands. Harry comes out of the booth when Liam tells him to and Niall passes around the beers and makes a toast to another great album. Louis is still on Liam’s lap when the camera focuses back on them, only he’s completely ignoring the beer that’s trapped between his thighs and is instead whispering things to Liam to make him giggle. He looks as he did in the wedding video when the camera catches his face, extremely happy and completely head over heels in love.

Louis finds himself smiling when the video ends and it makes him determined that this vlog idea is the best one yet.

***

“Lou, seriously, I don’t think you have to record every second of the day.” Zayn complains the next day while he’s sorting out one of the book shelves and Louis is shoving the camera in his face.

“I need as much of your face as I can get,” Louis says and closes the camera. “I’m thinking of selling the footage to PornHub. I’m sure I’d make a few bob, think how many people would want to masturbate to your pretty face.”

Zayn throws a book at him, it’s a hard back and it hurts. “You’re disgusting,”

“You really don’t know how to take a compliment, do you?” Louis complains, rubbing at his bruised shoulder.

Zayn ignores him and continues to remove books from the shelf. Louis huffs and sits back down against the opposite book shelf, looking through the recordings he’d taken since yesterday afternoon. There’s one from where Liam was making breakfast this morning and he’s giggling in to the camera because Louis decided to climb on his back to get a close up of his face.

“You know this video thing might work,” Zayn says, pulling Louis’ eyes from the camera to look at him curiously. “You’re smiling exactly like you used to before the accident.”

Louis bites his lip to try and suppress his smile but he can’t stop himself. “If you were in my position and someone told you how much you loved Harry, would you believe them?”

“Yeah,” Zayn says slowly like he was thinking on it. “Yeah, I would.”

“Without any proof?”

“Our situation is different to yours and Liam’s,” Zayn says obviously. “But I’ve been in love with Harry since the moment I met him. I wouldn’t need proof, I’d just need Harry.”

Louis looks back down at the camera in his hand and the video is paused on Liam’s giggling face. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” Zayn states with a smile. “Now help me finish sorting this shelf so we can go and meet Haz and Niall for lunch.”

“Just Harry and Niall not Liam?” Louis pouts, putting his camera aside.

“No, he’s got to work through lunch apparently.”Zayn says and gestures for him to grab the box of new books.

“Oh,” Louis replies, trying not to sound disappointed.  He grabs the box and puts it at the bottom of the step ladder Zayn stands on.

“It’s perfect actually, this way we can plan what we’re going to do tomorrow night,” Zayn says and puts his hand out for Louis to hand him some of the books.

Louis passes him a pile. “What’s tomorrow night?”

“Liam’s birthday.” Zayn informs him and puts the books on the shelf. “Normally we throw him a party but this year we’re thinking we’ll go for a meal, the five us or maybe six if Niall wants to bring someone.”

Louis hands him another pile of books when Zayn gestures him to. “Why aren’t you throwing the party?”

“Don’t play dumb, Lou.” Zayn says slightly irritated.

Louis folds his arms across his chest. “We’re having the party.”

“Louis,” Zayn says lowly like he’s gearing himself up for a fight.

“We’re having the party,” Louis tells him sternly. “I’ll organise it if you don’t want to but we’re having the party. I’ve taken enough away from Liam’s life. I’m not taking his birthday tradition too.”

“I don’t know, Lou.” Zayn says unsure.

“We’re having the party.” Louis says finally and hands Zayn what’s left of the books in the box.

Zayn sighs and puts the final books on the shelf. “We’ll see what Harry and Niall have to say.”

Louis opens his mouth to argue but the look Zayn is giving him lets him know he’s not going to get anywhere if he does. Instead he picks up the camera Jay gave him and makes his way back to the front of the store.

“I’m gonna go for a pee.” Zayn shouts after him.  

Louis keeps walking to the front of the store where he finds Daragh, sat behind the counter, playing around on his phone.

“Where’s Zayn?” Daragh asks not looking up from his phone.

“In the toilet,” Louis informs him. “We’re going to head out to lunch actually.”

“That’s fine.” Daragh says.

Louis fiddles with some books on one of the shelves and an awkward silence falls over the pair of them as he waits for Zayn.

“I’m sorry,” Daragh say eventually.

Louis turns around and narrows his eyes in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“I wanted to say I was sorry, that’s all.” Daragh shrugs, avoiding eye contact.

“Sorry about what exactly?” Louis queries.

“About, you know,” Daragh nods his head like he expects Louis to catch on.

“What’s going?” Zayn questions making his way towards them, he ignores Louis and looks straight at Daragh. “What have I told you about talking to him?”

“Zayn,” Daragh tries.

“Don’t do it again,” Zayn says through gritted teeth. “Or you’ll be looking for a new job.”

He doesn’t let Daragh answer him back as he grabs Louis by the bicep and leads him out of the store. Louis has a million of questions to ask but is terrified to voice any, not with how tightly clenched Zayn’s jaw is.

They walk in silence the short ten minutes to where they’re supposed to be meeting Harry and Niall at the little Italian. Louis finally tugs his bicep out of Zayn’s tight grip when he spots Niall and Harry sat at a table that’s tucked in to the back of the restaurant.

“Hello fellas,” He greets brightly as he takes the seat opposite Niall.

“Hi,” Harry says slowly, side eyeing him. “What do you want?”

“I want food,” Louis replies, flipping open the menu in front of him. “I’m starved.”

“He wants to do a party tomorrow for Li’s birthday,” Zayn informs Harry as he takes the seat next to Louis. “He’s pretty fucking determined about it too.”

“Yes,” Niall woops. “Payno’s birthday parties are always the best.”

“Are you sure about this, Lou?” Harry checks.

Louis nods, not looking up from his menu. “Liam deserves to do something normal for once.”

“Liam deserves a lot of things,” Harry agrees. “But that’s not what I asked. I want to know if you’re sure because there will be lots of people, many people that you won’t know but will know you.”

“They you’ll have to teach me how to handle that won’t you, pop star.” Louis says, looking up finally to grin at Harry. 

“You’re such a prick.”Harry grins back and shakes his head. “Alright, fine, we’ll throw the bloody party.”

“Wohoo,” Niall cheers loudly, earning a glare from the customers at the table next to them.

Louis laughs and then claps his hands together. “Right, okay. Harry you can be in charge of the food, Niall you’re in charge of booze and entertainment and Zayn you’re in charge of the guest list.”

“And what are you in charge of Tommo?” Niall asks.

“Making sure Liam thinks we’re doing something incredibly boring for his birthday.” Louis smirks. “Like going for a meal just the five of us.”

“You’re a little shit,” Zayn says, shoving him gently. “How many people can I invite?”

“Enough to fill the apartment and make sure you invite J.R. from the studio,” Louis tells him.

Niall kicks at Louis’ legs. “You’re a prick.”

“I wish you lot would stop insulting me.” Louis says and kicks Niall back. “I’m not inviting him for you. If there is going to be an apartment filled with people, it’d be nice to at least have one face I know.”

“Are you sure you’re sure?” Harry checks one last time.

Louis nods. “Liam deserves the world.”

“Alright,” Harry says and grabs his phone off the table. “I’ll call Jill and see if she’ll be willing to make us a catering table like she does for tour.”

Zayn pulls his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. “I’ll send out a mass text.” 

“I’ll see if my mate Danny will be willing to DJ,” Niall says with his phone already in his hand.

“Sounds great,” Louis tells them all. “But let’s order food first. I wasn’t lying when I said I was starved.”

All three comply and put their phones down on the table, opening their menus instead. Louis feels a little giddy with power but tries to focus on what he wants to eat.

***

Louis makes a plan to wake up before Liam the next morning and he even sets an alarm in case his brain doesn’t do it for him. Only when he does wake up, he’s in bed alone. He’s about to go searching the apartment because the sun has barley risen in the sky when Liam comes wandering sleepily back out of the bathroom.

“Why are you awake?” Liam whispers as he climbs back in to bed.

Louis skates his fingers across Liam’s bare stomach and presses a kiss to his shoulder. “Was gonna wake you up with a blowjob.”

“Oh,” Liam says a little breathless.

“We’ll just have to skip the waking up part, birthday boy.” Louis whispers and then bites a mark in to Liam’s neck.

Liam lets out this lovely little breathy moan. Louis smiles and presses a soft kiss to the mark and then continues a path of kisses down Liam’s chest until he reaches the waistband of Liam’s boxers, and then bends his head to press a hot open mouth kiss to Liam’s clothed dick.

Liam shifts underneath him, his breath already picking up. Louis curls his fingers around the elastic of Liam’s boxers and tugs them down his legs. He lets Liam kick them the rest of the way off and gets to work on getting his mouth on him instead. He wraps a careful hand around Liam’s hardening shaft and lets his tongue slide across the tip before taking him down in one.

Liam’s taking these gorgeous hiccupy breathes and when Louis looks up at him from under his eyelashes, he catches Liam licking his lips and then biting down on the bottom one obscenely as he tries to silence his moans. Louis releases his own moan at the site, the noise vibrating where his lips are moving against Liam’s dick, causing him to look down at Louis finally.

“ _Lou,_ ” Liam says breathlessly and pushes his fingers through Louis’ hair. “You look—oh, fuck.”

Louis smirks and takes Liam down again, the back of his cock sliding down Louis’ throat easily. He doesn’t know where his gag reflex has disappeared to but the noises Liam’s make him as he swallows him down, he’s kind of glad it’s not there right now. Louis wants to record those noises, have them ingrained in his mind. He never wants to forget what Liam sounds like when he’s coming completely undone from Louis’ mouth.

Louis pulls off Liam quickly, earning a whine in complaint as he does. He wraps his fingers back around Liam’s shaft and jerks him off with his hand as leans across the bed. Liam groans, trying to look where Louis’ hand is banging around the side table.

“Got it.” Louis cheers and sits back between Liam’s legs.

“W-what?” Liam pants.

Louis puts the camera on Liam’s chest and his voice is completely fucked when he says. “Want you to record yourself.”

Liam does as instructed, picking the camera up and flicking it on. He falters for a moment as Louis’ lips wrap back around him but he soon regains himself and turns the camera on himself. Louis closes his eyes and focuses on what he’s doing until he can hear Liam making those hiccupy little moans again.

He whines when he looks back up and sees Liam recording him and grabs the camera from Liam’s hands to turn it back around. Liam laughs gruffly but Louis swipes his tongue across his slit and the laugh is quickly swallowed by a moan.  Louis wraps his hand around the base of Liam’s cock and jerks Liam off as he mouths at the tip. He picks up his pace until Liam is a withering mess beneath him, unable to control himself.

“Lou,” Liam warns.

Louis removes his hand and takes Liam completely in his mouth again just in time for Liam to come. Louis struggles slightly to swallow the entire load but somehow he manages, using his hand to help with the aftershock. He pulls of Liam eventually, a swab of spit following his lips as he does. Liam’s smiles at him, his chest is heaving with how hard he’s panting.

Louis grabs the camera from Liam’s hand and crawls up the bed to sit next to him. Liam’s hand finds his thigh and it rests there as Liam tries to catch his breath, which he does eventually and then falls asleep. Louis stays awake, re-watching the recording over and over again until other voices drift through the apartment.

“Please tell me everyone is decent,” Harry says, knocking on the bedroom door as he pushes it open.

Louis throw the sheet over Liam’s naked lower half and smiles innocently as Harry and the others enter the room.

“You’ve got a little,” Niall says, pointing at the corner of his own mouth.

Louis wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand and smiles.

“Giving him a birthday he’ll never forget, huh?” Harry teases, sitting on the end of the bed. He grabs Liam’s foot and gives it a shake until Liam is whining next to Louis, his eyes blinking open.

“No one’s going to forget this,” Louis says gleefully. “Who wants to see Liam’s cum face?”

“I do,” Niall cheers at the same time both Zayn and Harry say. “No, thank you.”

“You’re a filthy man, Niall Horan.” Louis comments and puts the camera on the bed side table.

Liam who’s blushing so hard his entire chest is red with it, clears his throat. “Morning.”

“Happy birthday, Payno.” The three idiots cheer in unison.

“Thanks guys,” Liam smiles warmly, still half asleep.

Louis leans down to press a kiss to his cheek. “Happy birthday, babe.”

“Thank you.” Liam says sincerely and turns his head to catch Louis’ lips in a hard kiss. Louis knows he’s not just being thanked for the birthday wish.

“Not that watching you two try to swallow each other isn’t the highlight of my day,” Zayn teases, his chin resting on Niall’s shoulder. “But we were wondering if we can take the birthday boy to breakfast.”

“Without Lou?” Liam asks confused.

“I’ve got to go and collect your birthday present.” Louis tells him, biting at Liam’s jaw playfully.

“On your own?” Liam frowns.

Louis kisses the corner of his mouth where his lips are turned down. “No, J.R. is going to take me.”

“Okay,” Liam says quietly and reluctantly climbs out of bed.

“We’ll wait for you in the living room,” Zayn says as Liam heads towards the bathroom.

Liam nods and closes the door behind him once he’s inside. Louis stretches himself out on the bed as Niall crawls excitedly on to it next to him and Zayn sits down next to Harry.

“So, can we go over the plan one more time?” Harry asks.

Louis checks to make sure he can hear the shower running and nods. “Okay, so you’re going take him to that place where they have the pancakes he likes for breakfast, right? “

Zayn nods. “We’ve got a table booked and Niall demanded I tell the kitchen staff that Liam has to have a candle in his pancake.”

“That’s perfect,” Louis praises, earning a gleeful smile from Niall. “I’m going to stay here and get the apartment set up for tonight. Jill is coming around four, right?”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees.

“And Danny is coming at half five?”

“Yeah,” Niall agrees.

“And you told everyone to arrive at around seven?” Louis asks Zayn.

“Yeah and they all know it’s a surprise so he won’t get any texts ruining it.” Zayn says. 

“Awesome.” Louis beams. “All you need to do now is make sure he’s occupied for most of the day, in a way that won’t get him suspicious.”

“We’ve got that covered.” Harry grins mischievously.

Louis doesn’t ask because he dreads to think what the idea is if Harry’s mind came up with it.

***

Louis’ panicking slightly because he had a text from Harry saying they’re on their way but even as confident as he is, he doesn’t know how to yell at a bunch of people he doesn’t know to try get them to hide.

“You look like you need this,” J.R. says handing him a plastic cup filled with some type of alcohol.

Louis takes it back in one, it’s vodka and coke and it makes him wince as it travels down his throat.

“What’s wrong?” J.R. asks, sipping at his own drink.

“They’re on their way.” Louis informs him, looking around the mingling party guests in a slight panic.

J.R. squeezes his shoulder and then disappears in to the crowd. Louis panics a little more until J.R. reappears with a really tall guy with quite nice hair.

“Andy,” He introduces himself to Louis. “I’m Liam’s best mate from his hometown.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis says because he thinks that’s what you’re supposed to say to someone who’s really important to your husband but you don’t know from adam.

“It’s alright, Lou.” Andy promises. “It’s not like it’s the first time this has happened. Now, what do you need me to do?”

“Uhm, could you get everyone to hide?” Louis asks. “Liam’s gonna be here any minute.”

“Sure.” Andy agrees and starts clapping his hands loudly, announcing Liam’s arrival to everyone. Louis smiles thankfully at him as everyone starts to find different places to hide. Andy smiles and nods to him, then goes to find his own place to hide just as the door to the apartment starts to jingle where Liam’s trying to unlock it. Louis turns all the lights off and hides beside the second door that leads in to the living room.

“Lou?!” Liam shouts in to the apartment. “Baby, are you here? Sorry we’re late. It’s all Harry’s fault.”

“Heyyy.” Harry’s voice follows behind him.

Louis has to cover his mouth to keep from laughing as he hears Liam get closer and closer to where everyone is.

“Babe?!” Liam shouts again and then quieter. “Why are all the lights off?”

Louis takes that as his cue and flicks the slight switch. They lights flicker back on as everyone jumps out from where they were hiding with a chorus of _‘Surprise!’_ and _‘Happy birthday Liam!’_ and Liam jumps a mile, though he instantly starts laughing gleefully and his eyes scan around the crowd of people until he comes to his left where he finds Louis.

“Surprise.” Louis grins, stepping towards him to peck him on the lips.

Liam puts a hand on Louis’ back and pulls him closer, kissing him slow and sweet. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Louis replies with a small smile, forgetting for a moment that they’re in front of a room filled with people.

Liam seems to forget too because he kisses Louis again, this time with more urgency, his hand gripping tightly to the back of Louis’ neck. Louis melts in to the kiss, his fingers gripping to the front of Liam’s shirt.

“Alright lovebirds,” Harry announces loudly. “That’s enough of that.”

Louis blushes slightly when he pulls back from Liam and finds a crowd of nameless faces all looking at them fondly. He buries his face in Liam’s neck while Liam chuckles, greeting everyone. For a moment it feels like their personalities have completely swapped around.

“Let’s get this party started!” Niall cheers, clapping Liam on the back and whooping as he makes his way towards the kitchen.

The music starts back up and everyone goes back to mingling with each other. Liam reluctantly lets go of Louis, pecking his lips once and allowing himself to be dragged in to the mounds of people. Harry disappears in to the crowd too but Zayn hangs back, wrapping an arm around Louis’ shoulder.

“Cig?” He asks, tugging a pack out of his back pocket.

Louis nods and allows Zayn to lead him through the apartment to the balcony. They settle on the bigger couch, with Zayn on one end and Louis on the other, both their feet resting on the table in the center.  

“What was Harry’s grand plan then?” Louis asks as Zayn lights them a cigarette.

Zayn takes a drag and blows it out as he speaks. “We took him go karting at this place just outside of London and Harry got us lost on the drive back.” 

Louis snorts, taking the cigarette when Zayn offers. “His plan was to get lost?”

“No, his plan was for us to do the go karting and then get some lunch and accidently lose track of time but instead he got us lost.” Zayn shakes his head, looking genuinely concerned that he’s fell in love with  an idiot.

Louis takes a long drag and hands the cigarette back, tilting his head back against the back of the couch. “Honestly think you’re doing a world a favour by being in love with him, mate.”

“He’d probably killed himself on accident a few times if I wasn’t around.” Zayn agrees.

“You’re a saint,” Louis tells him. “I mean I love him but I couldn’t be in love with him, I’d probably end up killing him myself just to make my life easier.”

Zayn laughs and flicks the ash over the balcony. “You have no idea how easy you have it with Liam, honestly.”

“I know.” Louis agrees, a warm feeling spread through him just at the mention of Liam’s name.

“God, you’re back in that stage I hate.” Zayn groans, bringing the cigarette back to his lips.

“What?” Louis asks confused.

“You had this stage when you and Li had been together for about a year,” Zayn says,  blowing smoke out as he speaks. “When you first like started properly falling for him, where if anyone even mentioned his name, you’d go all glazed eyed and would forget that you were even having a conversation.”

Louis steals the cigarette back from him. “I did?”

“Yeah,” Zayn says with small smile. “It was really annoying but kind of amazing at the same time. I’d never seen my best mate so smitten for someone and then to see you felt exactly the same way, made things easier for me.”

“Never had to punch me in the face then?” Louis wonders, taking a drag.

Zayn shrugs. “I’ve come close a few times, especially when you first got together and you’d argue most of the time. Liam would come back to our student flat and he’d look so broken that it kind of made me want to hurt you.”

“Cheers, mate.” Louis says amused, handing the cigarette back.

 “I didn’t because he asked me not to get involved but if we were out together and I saw you say something to him that made him curl in to himself—“ Zayn shakes his head and takes a long drag from the cigarette, almost coughing as he exhales. “You treated him really shitty at the start, Lou, I’m not gonna lie.”

Louis frowns. “But we worked through that, right? Or we wouldn’t be here now?”

“Yeah, you were such opposites but you were both so determined to make it work, bloody idiots.” Zayn snorts and flicks the ash away again before taking another drag.

Louis smiles slightly, shaking his head when Zayn offers him the cigarette again. They fall in to a silence as Zayn finishes off the cigarette and Louis mulls over what Zayn had told him.

 Zayn throws the bud off the cigarette off the balcony eventually and stands up. “Let’s go get a drink.”

“Zayn?” Louis asks before he can go inside.

“Yeah?”

Louis stands and asks before he can chicken out. “Why isn’t Daragh allowed to talk to me?”

“Don’t worry yourself about that.” Zayn dismisses and turns to walk inside.

“I have the right to know,” Louis says before Zayn can open the glass door.

Zayn tightens his grip around the door handle. “It’s not something any of us want to relive, babe. Trust me.”

“I know it’s something bad,” Louis says and steps towards the other lad. “Why won’t you tell me what happened, Zayn?”

“It’s not my place to tell.” Zayn sighs.

“Then who’s place is it?” Louis wonders. “Darragh’s?”

“No,” Zayn says quickly.

“Then who should I ask because you’re using my injury as an excuse to keep something from me and it’s not fair.” Louis cries in frustration.

Zayn’s shoulders drop in defeat and he turns to face Louis with a solemn look on his face. “Drop it for now, yeah? It’s Liam’s birthday, we don’t want to ruin it.”

“So, whatever you tell me is going to upset Liam?” Louis queries.

Zayn frowns at Louis and doesn’t say anything else as he heads inside. Louis doesn’t follow, instead he curls himself up one of the smaller couches and requests the first person to come out on the balcony to go and get him beer. He doesn’t move from that spot for most of the night, getting person after person to retrieve alcohol for him.

Liam finds him eventually. “Daisie told me you were drinking out here all alone. What’s up? Is it too much?”

“No,” Louis says quietly.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asks, sad brown eyes looking up at Louis as he squats down in front of the chair Louis is curled up on.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” Louis lies, reaching a hand out to cup Liam’s cheek.

Liam looks unconvinced but leans his face in to Louis’ palm with a small smile. “Come inside?”

“In a minute,” Louis says and stands up from the couch.  

Liam wraps an arm around him automatically and pulls him in close. “Are you sure you’re alright.”

“I’m fine.” Louis promises and brushes his lips across Liam’s lightly. “I’m waiting for all these people to leave so I can have you all to myself.”

“I was thinking about that actually.” Liam says quietly.

Louis smiles and slips his fingers underneath Liam’s shirt just to feel him shiver. “You were?”

“Hmm.” Liam mumbles, brushing his nose against Louis’. “Do you remember the other night when we played _‘never have I ever’_ and the thing that Niall said that you hadn’t done?” 

Louis has a feeling he knows what Liam is talking about but he feels slightly nervous so he says. “You want me to get arrested?”

“No, that was your question. It was one of Niall’s.” Liam says with his cheeks turning that crimson colour Louis loves. “If you don’t remember—“

“I remember,” Louis cuts him off. “But I’ve never—I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

Liam closes his eyes and presses his forehead to Louis’ while whispering. “I could talk you through it.”

“Yeah, alright.” Louis agrees, pressing a soft kiss to Liam’s lips. “But only because it’s your birthday.”

Liam face breaks out in to a wide grin and kisses Louis on the mouth and then both of his cheeks and continues to press kisses all over his face. Louis giggles, he actually giggles but doesn’t even attempt to get Liam to stop. 

Someone clearing their throat breaks them apart and they both look toward the door to the balcony, where a petite brunette stands in a black dress that hugs her slim figure. Liam smiles the moment his eyes land on her so Louis assumes it’s supposed to be someone she knows.

“I hate to interrupt this adorable interaction,” She says with a sweet smile “But we were wondering if we could sing you happy birthday before everyone got too drunk to stand.”

“Sure, I’ll be a second.” Liam tells her.

The girl nods and goes back inside. Louis raises his eyebrows in question when Liam turns back to face him.

“Andy’s girlfriend.” Liam informs him. “Are you okay to go inside now?”

Louis nods, slipping his hand in to Liam’s once they’re parted and Liam smiles at him, squeezing his hand as he leads the way inside.

***

Louis’ exhausted, in both mind and body. Drinking their body weight in alcohol and then having some really intense sex probably wasn’t the best idea.

“Don’t fall asleep.” Liam mumbles where he’s lay next to Louis.

He’s got marks covering his back, they’re in a line leading down to the crack of his arse. Louis licks at his lips as his eyes catch the dark red hickey that lies on Liam’s right arse cheek. If his dick had any go left in it he’d probably get hard just thinking about the noises Liam made. He’d barley been able to instruct Louis exactly on what to do because he’d been so turned on by it, he probably could have got off on just that if is dominant side hadn’t of taken over. Then again Louis’ never been fucked like that, at least not in this memory, he actually thinks walking tomorrow might be a problem.  

“M’not sleeping,” Louis replies, voice hoarse. “Just resting my eyes.”

“Don’t fall asleep.” Liam repeats pleading.  

Louis lifts Liam’s arm so he can cuddle up next to him, it’s an awkward position with Liam on his front and Louis on his side but he somehow makes it comfortable.

“Don’t want you to forget.” Liam admits in a whisper like if he said it louder it might have some affect on it happening.

Louis nuzzles his face in to Liam’s cheek, not knowing how to comfort him over something he has no control over.

Liam sighs exhausted. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Louis echoes softly.

Liam drags himself to a sitting position and Louis makes a noise of complaint but doesn’t move himself. Liam reaches on to the side table and gives Louis a nudge to roll on to his back and moves to straddle his thighs, pressing the button to turn the camera in his hands on.

“Say it again,” Liam requests.

Louis is confused for a second but when he finally catches on, he smiles. “I love you.”

“Again.” Liam says looking at the camera.

“I love you.” Louis complies.

“Again.”

“ I love you, I love you, I love you,“ Louis repeats until Liam’s lips cut him off.

Liam closes the camera and drops it on to his abandoned space on the bed and drapes himself on top of Louis like a body blanket. Louis trails his fingers up and down Liam’s bare back and closes his eyes.

“Can’t fall asleep.” Liam mumbles against his ear.

 “Talk to me, help me stay awake.” Louis says trying to suppress a yawn.

Liam hums against his neck. “Why were you moping on the balcony earlier?”

“I was not moping.” Louis argues.

“You only ever sit on your own if you’re moping,” Liam explains matter of factly but still barley above a whisper. “So, why were you?”

Louis huffs. “I had a sort of disagreement with Zayn.”

Liam hums again. “What about?”

“It’s nothing, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” Louis says in attempt to brush it off.

“You might not remember tomorrow,” Liam states and sits up. “Then I’ll be stuck with a pissed Zayn and a confused you. I don’t want to have to deal with that, Lou.”

Louis bites his lip and has an internal battle with himself until he finally blurts. “What happened with Daragh?”

“Did he talk to you?” Liam asks, eyes darkening.

“No,” Louis says with a frown. “Zayn stopped him before he could say anything. Why? What aren’t you telling me?”  

Liam climbs off him and off the bed all together. “Nothing.”

“You’re lying and that’s not something we do, remember?” Louis says while sitting up.

Liam starts pacing the room, fingers tugging at his hair. “Fuck!”

“Did I do something?” Louis asks, climbing off the bed.

Liam sits himself down on the chair in the far corner and starts mutter curse words under his breath.

“Darragh’s an alright looking bloke, he was someone I probably would have gone for when I was nineteen.” Louis admits feeling sick to his stomach at the thought of ever doing that to Liam. “Did I not remember you and sleep with him? You said you’d been cheated on,”

“Fuck, fuck,” Liam repeats under his breath, refusing to look up.

Louis takes that as confirmation and moves over to Liam slowly. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck, Louis.” Liam says pained.

“Can you look at me, please?” Louis pleads now stood in front of Liam.

Liam looks up, he’s got tears in his eyes and he breathes out shakily. “It was me.”

“What?” Louis asks confused.

“I was drunk,” Liam tells him his voice almost a whisper. “It didn’t mean anything.”

Louis blinks stunned. “You—you fucked him?”

“No,” Liam says a little louder. “It was just a kiss.”

“That doesn’t make it better, Liam.” Louis snaps.

Liam bows his head in shame. “I know, I know it doesn’t.” 

“Fuck,” Louis says and stumbles backwards.

Liam stands up and tries to reach out for him while murmuring his name pleadingly. Louis ignores him and grabs his boxers from the floor, pulling them up over his naked lower half.

“Louis,” Liam pleads, his voice rough with the tears he’s trying to hold back.

“Put some clothes on, Liam.” Louis says lowly to keep himself under control. “I do not want to have this conversation while naked.”

Liam does as he’s told and goes to the chest of draws to get some jogging bottoms. Louis sits on the end of the bed and buries his face in his hands.

“How could you not tell me? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” Louis asks when Liam comes to stand in front of him.

“It’s not the first thing I think to tell you.” Liam admits quietly.

Louis laughs dryly. “Of course it isn’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Liam says still just above a whisper. “It didn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time.” Louis replies and finally looks up. 

Liam’s lower lips is trembling and he’s biting down on it to stop the tears that are threatening to escape his eyes. “Please, please don’t make me lose you again.”

“I think—“ Louis stands up and takes a deep breath. “I think I need to not be around you right now.”

“Lou, b--aby, please.” Liam pleads, his voice cracking on the familiar pet name.

Louis ignores him, grabbing his abandoned jeans from the floor and pulling them on. He goes to the wardrobe and grabs a random shirt too and then gets Liam’s phone from the side table and walks out of the room. On his way through the living room he grabs Liam’s wallet that’s resting on the coffee table and then leaves the apartment all together. He rings Harry on his way down in the lift.

“It’s fuck oclock and i’m still fucked,” Harry greets down the phone, sounding as fucked as he says. “What do you want?

“Please tell me that you’re home?” Louis asks hopeful.

“Louis?” Harry asks confused. “I’m at Zayn’s but I can go home if you need me to?”

“Please.” Louis says keeping his voice quiet because he can feel himself breaking.

“Alright, love.” Harry says sounding much more awake. “Should I send Zayn to yours? Do you think Liam will need someone?”

“Yeah, probably.” Louis says uncaring.

He steps out of the lift when it reaches the ground floor and heads straight towards the front desk to book a taxi. He’s to stuck in his own head to make idle chit chat with the guy behind the desk so once he knows his taxi is booked, he goes outside to wait for it. In all that time Harry has been having a mumbled conversation with Zayn on the other end of the phone.

“Lou?” Harry asks, his voice clear again.

Louis sits on the curb outside the apartment block. “I’m here.”

“I’m leaving Zayn’s now.” Harry tells him. “Do you need me to pick you up?”

“No I’ve got a taxi coming.” Louis says plainly.

“Do you need me to stay on the phone?”

Louis sighs. “No.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you there.” Harry says and tells Louis the address before hanging up.

Louis drops the phone between his legs and buries his face in his knees, wondering how such a perfect night could have taken such a drastic turn.

***

“Did you know?” Louis asks once Harry had made them tea and curled them up on his couch in his ridiculously large living room, in his stupidly expensive house.

“Of course I knew.” Harry say honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Harry shrugs and sips at his tea. “It wasn’t my place to tell.”

“You sound like Zayn.” Louis says irritated.

Harry ignores him. “You know he was drunk, right?”

“Are you really giving him excuses?” Louis spits.

“Do you know the reason why he was drunk?” Harry asks. “Did you let him get past telling you he kissed Daragh or did you storm out the moment he told you?”

“I didn’t have to stick around to here is bullshit excuse for cheating on me.” Louis growls.

“I love you but you’re such a stubborn twat sometimes.” Harry says, shaking his head. “It’s one of your worst traits, Lou.”

“How did this become my fault?” Louis complains loudly.

“It’s not your fault but it’s not Liam’s either, not really.” Harry tells him, his voice still annoyingly calm.

Louis laughs slightly manic. “I came here to be comforted by my best friend and so far all you’ve done is defended Liam.”

“Shut up.” Harry says sternly.

Louis glares at him but clamps his mouth shut.

“If you’d actually stayed and listened to what Liam had to say, you’d understand why I’m defending him.” Harry explains. “Liam doesn’t get drunk that often and if he does it’s usually in celebration of something or because someone has really upset him. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

“He was upset,” Louis says blandly, pretending not to care. 

“Yes, more importantly he was upset because you were acting like such a dick.” Harry informs him. “This whole not remembering thing is hard for you and we all get that. But you have no idea the affect it’s had on Liam or the things he’s had to go through.”

“That’s not—“

“I’m not finished.” Harry snaps, which is very out of character so Louis goes quiet. “The first time you woke up with thought everything was going to be okay, you couldn’t remember but you accepted who Liam was and everything was fine. But then you relapsed for the first time and it was scary but again, you seemed perfectly accepting of Liam. Then it happened again, only this time I wasn’t around to reassure you that what Liam was saying was true. You completely freaked, called him a liar and pervert and all kinds of horrid names.”

Louis stares down at the cup in his hands, not wanting to believe Harry’s words.

 “You ended up moving in with me because even though you were acting like a right prick, you’re still my best friend.” Harry admits but he’s not smiling and Louis feels sick. “You refused to see or even speak to Liam and I have never seen one person so broken, it was heartbreaking to witness.”

Louis digs his teeth in to his lip, feeling guilty because even if Liam did what he did, he was still Liam, he was still the sweet and caring guy that Louis had spent the past week falling in love with.

“He was hurting, Lou.” Harry tells him. “He was hurting and he was drunk and he went to the bookstore looking for Zayn. But Zayn wasn’t there and Daragh was and he offered Liam a shoulder to cry on. It was a mistake, it was someone offering him the intimacy he’d thought he’d lost from you.”

Louis’ exhausted and it’s all too much, he kind of wants to break down and cry. 

“He regretted it as soon as he did it, I can promise you that.” Harry says fiercely. “He’s been blaming himself ever since. The first time you relapsed after it happened, he didn’t want to come anywhere near you, he felt so guilty. Your mum had to come up and kick his arse in gear.”

Louis snorts and thinks maybe calling his mum to talk about all of this might be a good idea.

“The worst thing is the idiot actually thinks that your relapses are the universes way of punishing him.” Harry says defeated. “Every time he gets you back to where you were before the accident, where you can finally admit you love him again, he loses you. He thinks it’s his punishment for cheating on you, now he has to spend the rest of his life not ever having you love him the way you did once before.”

Louis is silent when Harry finally finishes talking but he can feel the tears sliding down his cheek.

“Oh, Lou.” Harry says softly, wiping them away with his thumb.

“I’m such a dick.” Louis sniffles.

Harry smiles a little. “You can be but you’re also the kind of person to admit when he’s done wrong.”

“I need to go home.” Louis says abruptly.

Harry grabs his arm when he tries to stand up. “Sleep on it, yeah? Liam will still be there in the morning.”

“No, no I can’t sleep.” Louis says distressed, tugging his arm from Harry’s grip. “I need to go home now. I need to talk to him.”

Harry looks concerned but he stands up also. “Fine.”

Louis smiles thankfully and waits impatiently for Harry to take their mugs to the kitchen and then grab his car keys. He fidgets the entire car drive over and tries to think of what he could say to Liam that’s better than _‘I was a dick and you were a dick but I still love you’_. He still hasn’t come up with anything better when he’s knocking on their apartment door.

Zayn answers and scowls the moment he sees Louis. “What do you want?”

“I need to see Liam,” Louis says trying to get inside.

Zayn puts a firm hand to his shoulder and pushes causing him to stumble backwards. “I warned you, Lou. You upset him for not good reason and if you don’t leave now, that whole not punching you thing, it’s going to drastically change.”

“Zayn,” Harry says softly from somewhere behind Louis.

Louis looks over to see Harry is still by the lift but he’s shaking his head. Zayn drops his hand from Louis’ shoulder, causing him to look back in his direction.

“I’m still pissed at you.” Zayn says through gritted teeth and shoulders past Louis to walk over to Harry.

Louis doesn’t reply, he’s too busy rushing inside the apartment on search of Liam. It takes him a while to find him, coming up blank everywhere inside the apartment, he’s eventually lead to the balcony. Liam is curled up on the pouffe which is tucked in to the corner and he’s got his hand resting on the rail of the balcony, a cigarette trapped between his fingertips. 

“I’m sorry.” Louis blurts the moment Liam looks at him.

Liam makes an adorable confused face and Louis notices how red and blotchy his face is, his eyes still wet with unshed tears. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes,” Louis says and makes his way towards him. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain that the kiss was a stupid mistake that’s kind of both of our faults.”

“Lou,” Liam says like he’s about to arguing.

“No, that wasn’t a question it was a statement.” Louis informs him and crawls in to his lap.

“Lou,” Liam says unsure.

Louis buries his face in his neck and breathes him in. “If I wake up tomorrow and remember, we’re going to talk about this but if I wake up tomorrow and I don’t remember anything, I want you to forget it ever happened. I want you to tell Daragh about the accident and about me so there’s no chance of me finding out about it again.”

“That’s what you want?” Liam asks quietly. He’s purposely not touching Louis. Louis hates that.

“That’s what I want,” Louis whispers against his neck. “Now can we go to bed before I drop dead with exhaustion.”

Liam’s arms wrap tightly around him like whatever Louis had said and flicked some switch in him. “I love you, so much.”

“I know,” Louis says softly and leans back to smile at Liam. “I love you too.”

Liam presses a hard kiss to his mouth and mumbles. “Please don’t forget.”

Louis grabs his face between his hands and kisses him more determined because he has no way of reassuring Liam that he won’t but he can try and show him how much he loves him by kissing him until neither of them can breathe.

***

Louis wakes up to a warm body pressed against his back and a protective arm thrown across his waist. He hums happily when he feels lips pressed to the back of his neck.

“I want to sleep more, leave me alone.” He groans.

Liam’s lips pause where they’re brushing across the nape of his neck. “You do remember me then?”

“Yes, my memory is intact.” Louis informs him, pulling Liam’s hand up to his lips so he can kiss the back of it. “And if you don’t let me sleep for at least four more hours, your balls are going to be in serious pain.”

“Oh yeah?” Liam says teasing.

Louis kicks his foot up in search of a target. “I’m warning you, Tomlinson-Payne.”  

“Alright, alright.” Liam says and smiles against Louis’ neck. “I’ll let you sleep but you have to tell me one thing first?”

Louis groans and buries his face in to the pillow so it’s mumbled when he says. “What?”

“How much do you love me?” Liam asks softly.

Louis turns his head and blinks his eyes open and then turns around all together so he’s facing Liam. “You’ll let me sleep if I tell you?”

“Promise,” Liam says with a nervous smile.

“I love you,” Louis starts and focuses on Liam’s smiling face. “I love you like I love my family. I love you like I love a good blow job. I love you like I love Chinese take away. I love you like I love the smell of fresh rain. I love you like my heart can’t take it and I’m actually terrified that it might stop beating because it speeds up so much when you smile at me. I love you so much that the thought of ever forgetting you makes me feel physically sick and makes my head hurt because I don’t understand how the universe could be so cruel.”

Liam smiles bright and beautiful before he kisses Louis, hard and firm and tangles his fingers in Louis hair to hold him in place. Louis melts in to the kiss like he always does, allowing Liam to do whatever he pleases because he still can’t believe that he actually gets to be kissed by this magnificent human being let alone gets to the spend the rest of his days doing so.

“Great answer that was a fucking amazing answer.” Liam says when he finally pulls away.

Louis laughs and brushes his nose against Liam’s. “Are you going to let me sleep now?”

“Maybe,” Liam says lowly. “Or maybe—“

“No,” Louis shakes his head, cutting him off. “I love you babe and I’d love to but I won’t be able to sit ever again if you don’t give me a break.”

“Who said I was going to fuck you?” Liam asks, kissing the corner of Louis’ mouth. “You love me like you love a good blow job, right?”

“I did say that.” Louis grins.

“And you’re not one to turn down a blow job.” Liam says and pushes him on to his back gently.

“That’s true too.” Louis agrees.

Liam presses a kiss to a hickey that’s residing on Louis’ collarbone and follows the trail of hickeys he’d left the night before. Louis finds himself  swallowing his moans before Liam’s even touched his dick.

 

O N E  Y E A R   L A T E R

 

“I’m nervous.” Louis complains, fiddling with his tie in the mirror.

His mother clicks her tongue and pushes him away from the mirror to do the tie for him. “You have nothing to be nervous about, you’ve done this once before and you can do it again.”

“You do know I can’t remember the first time, right?” Louis says, watching her fix his tie. “Even if I’ve watched the video thousands of times.”

“I know that but that idiot out there wanted to marry you a first time, to do it a second time must mean he really love you.” She explains. “Your nerves are just stupid.”

“Well excuse me for caring.” Louis says childishly.

“You’re excused.” His mother smiles and pats his tie when she’s done.

Louis laughs and looks at his tie in the mirror. “Thank you,”

“You’re welcome my handsome boy.” She says and wraps her hand around his waist so they’re both in view of the mirror. “I make such beautiful children.”

“Two of your brood of beautiful children are causing mayhem in the hotel lobby.” Harry says upon entering the room.

His mother sighs and presses a kiss to his cheek. “You’re youngest siblings are exactly like you and it’s making my life hell.”

“Don’t act like you don’t love it.” Louis says and laughs when she flicks him the finger and disappears out of the room.

“Are you ready?” Harry asks with a wobbly smile.

“If you cry it will be recorded and I will haunt you with it for the rest of your life.”

“You got like twenty minutes of me crying when Zayn proposed,” Harry reminds him. “I don’t think I care that much anymore. I’ve come to terms with the fact I’m a person that cries when they’re happy.”

“You’ve come to terms with it, have you?” Louis snorts. “You make it sound like it’s a bloody condition.”

“Speaking of conditions, how’s the head?” Harry asks.

Louis rubs at the scar on the back of his scull subconsciously. “One year and still going strong.”

“Think you’ll make it to fifty?” Harry wonders, hooking his arm around Louis’ waist as they head out of the room.

“I hope so,” Louis says and then nibbles on his lower lip nervously. “What if in a couple of months I forget this one too? This is such a bad idea, Haz. I’m gonna break his heart all over again.”

“No you won’t,” Harry promises. “Liam will marry you over and over again if it’s what makes you happy.”

“What about what makes him happy?” Louis asks as they head down the corridor that leads them to the beach.

“Trust me, he’s happy if you’re happy.” Harry says determined and presses a kiss to Louis’ temple when they reach where the wedding is being held.

Liam’s stood at the altar with Zayn and he smiles brightly the moment he catches sight of Louis and Louis thinks that Harry just might be right.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is kind of a mess because I thought of the idea but didn't really have a plan of where to go with the story. Anyways, here it is. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> The title is from the song 'Losing your memory' by Ryan Star, it's a lovely song.


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